Posted by Penny on July 18, 2003, at 13:28:50
In reply to Re: and... » Penny, posted by fallsfall on July 18, 2003, at 13:06:32
I guess what got to me about her message was the added "...if you get a job". Because she didn't need to add that. And she's always doing things like that, saying little things that just stick in my head, and I don't think she does it maliciously or anything, but it really gets to me. She pushes me on things that really bother me, like work and school issues, but she acts like she is my mother (except that my mother doesn't act this way). What I mean is that she tries to 'remind' me of reality - yes the job market is bad, yes I need to keep my job, yes it would be terrible if I lost my job. And it's with the undertone of "I don't know why this is such a problem for you." You'd have to hear her say these things - the tone of voice she uses, like she is talking down to me.
I certainly don't need her reminding me of the reality I face if I lose my job.
My therapist asked me if I had ever talked to her about being an 'active listener' meaning that she listens to me talk about the things that worry me but doesn't offer advice. Is just there for me without throwing things back at me. But if I brought that up, my roommate would take offense.
Last summer she was on my case about how I hadn't followed up with this job application and I finally blew up and asked her to just stop trying to help me. I told her that if I wanted her help, I would ask for it. That I didn't appreciate her giving my name to someone about a job without talking to me first because *she* thought it was a good opportunity, then getting upset with me (really upset) because I didn't follow up - and then starting to rant about "people just don't appreciate it when I try to help them, so I'm not going to help anyone anymore..." and so on. It really made me angry. At the time I was really depressed and just didn't have the energy or motivation to respond to a job opportunity I wasn't interested in. And she didn't understand that.
She seems to think that I should be able to just push everything down and get my work done like she does. She has a pretty good work ethic, and I don't, and she continually reminds me of it. Not that she's on time to work everyday or anything. And she talks about being depressed sometimes, but clearly it's not the type of depression I experience, because if it was, she would be more understanding.
I guess what I needed her to say was something like, "the office move will be a good thing and you will be able to overcome the fatigue and motivation problems eventually. it sounds like your boss is being helpful, so try to not worry about it so much." or something to that effect. Not the negative response of "it's not going to get better as long as you're feeling bad so you might better keep your job because it won't be better anywhere else and you might not be able to find another job." that's how I read her message. yippee.
I realize that my perception of what she said might be skewed, but, again, if she understood how I felt about things, she would keep her mouth shut unless she had something positive to say.
But I can't tell her that. Because she would get mad at me and I can't take that. Even if she does think I'm just lazy and don't work hard enough.
P
poster:Penny
thread:243149
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030713/msgs/243205.html