Posted by kalyb on June 23, 2003, at 8:56:02
In reply to You HAVE to get out of there, posted by whiterabbit on June 22, 2003, at 22:23:22
Thanks to everyone for responding. Yes, I NEED to get out of there but there are several large obstacles in my way. I am not being negative, here they are, make your own minds up:
1. I am on disability benefits. There is enormous prejudice against anyone in this country on benefits of any kind. Every newspaper or other advertisement offering rooms/apartments to let states clearly: NO DSS. (Meaning nobody on benefits). I have looked extensively and it’s the same everywhere. Housing advisors I have consulted agree that this is universal and I really do not have much chance of renting in the private sector.
2. If I *could* find anywhere that allows DSS, there would be a large deposit and rent in advance payable. It’s usually 1 month + 1 month in advance. This would be in the region of £600-£800 ($1,000 - $1,300). I have no money, cannot borrow any and have no relatives or friends who can help me out.
£. I do not wish to live in shared housing again. I am 40 years of age, and have spent a total of 13 years now living in shared housing, with the result that in most cases, other people have exacerbated my problems. The 5 years I lived alone I achieved self-acceptance to a reasonable degree, even if I did end up making a mess of it and being evicted.
6. I purse a hobby through which I met this landlady. She allows me to carry on with it here but if I moved out I would probably have to give it up. Almost certainly in fact. This is my last pleasure, and have worked hard on this for 28 years. I am an acknowledged international expert. To a large degree it defines who I am, and to have to give it up would be extremely painful. I have already had to endure losses connected to it in order to live here. And many many acquaintances I made through this hobby are also friends of the landlady. Not only do I tend to withdraw from people when in my bleakest periods, but I know for a fact she has been talking to them about me behind my back (this is not paranoia, I know it). And as a result they have withdrawn from me and never contact me any more. And knowing she talks to them about me means I am far to embarrassed now to make the first move. Some of them think she is a saint for putting up with me. If I ever told them the truth it would go straight back to her, and nobody would believe me.
7. My only housing option is to try the Council. But the waiting list is 2 years, which can be helped by letters from pdoc etc. It still means I will have a wait of around 6 months or more. If I was put into emergency accommodation this would mean a homeless hostel or “bed & breakfast” but there are even waiting lists for these!! In many cases I would be sharing facilities with alcoholics, drug abusers and people with far more serious problems than mine, potentially violent.
So I am stuck here.
Yes she knows far too much about my business, and from something she said yesterday I think she has been going through my mail.
Also, a question: what defines the role of a “carer”?
“I didn’t anticipate becoming your carer!” she said yesterday (she lifted the term from a booklet about depression I left lying around). As far as I know, she isn’t doing anything much in that role, except what she has CHOSEN to do - i.e. her constant criticisms and “ways that I can change” = all unasked for. Whoever said she takes things I tell her and twists them around was right. She took a lot out of that booklet that applied to her, especially the “effects on others” part, and seemingly none of the rest, which included such advice as not to criticize depressed persons as they are already overwhelmed with guilt and beating themselves up, and to offer praise instead.Things she does for me that might include “caring” in a carer role are clothes washing, which she did from the start on occasions when she needed to make up a full load, and doesn’t do very often now the baby’s arrived, and maybe cooking, although I did all the cooking every night last week. She does very little else for me except nag, which I would rather she didn’t anyway!! I kept an activity diary last week and realized that I spent a minimum of 16 hours “working” for her around the house and garden. And yet yesterday I was told I wasn’t doing enough. The minimum wage in this country is £3.40 an hour (it might even have gone up to £3.60) = $5.65 - $5.92. At £3.40 per hour, I did £54 worth of work for her, which is almost as much as my rent! Do you think I’m earning my keep???? All that free food, electricity and washing powder she mentioned yesterday....!!! Add that to the £48 ($79) per week she gets from the benefits agency for my rent.... plus the £12 ($19) I have to pay out of my allowance to make the rent up to the £60 ($99) she asks (this is usual - benefits never pay the full amount, that £12 is supposed to cover the bills like electricity, etc). Sheesh!!! And I am “USING” her and her partner? Good Lord! Good sweet heaven above.
Blah.
You know, I might send a copy of all this in with my Council application!! My pdoc said he didn’t want to read stuff like this and I have no therapist yet to talk this over with. So I am sorry once again guys, you are literally all I have right now... and I much appreciate it.
Kalyb xx
poster:kalyb
thread:235513
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030617/msgs/236280.html