Posted by mmcasey on June 19, 2003, at 9:31:51
I've read a lot of the posts by Shar about waiting till your 50 to kill yourself. At first when she said that to me, I was actually kind of offended. But now, especially with the post that explained the reasoning behind that, I understand more. But I just want to say that, being young, 50 seems incredibly far away. It is further away than the amount of time that I've been alive. In some ways, when I am feeling in a more positive mood, that seems like a good thing, like... there is so much time for things to change and get better. Who knows what the years may bring, both for me personally, as well as new developments in research? Maybe next week I'll become happy (highly unlikely!) or maybe in a few years (possible?). But then, in a more negative and hopeless mood, the idea of having to go through another year like this seems rather unbearable, never mind another 26 (well, okay 25 + 1/2)! It just seems like, after having gone through approximately half my life feeling pretty badly for the most part and several years of feeling on-and-off suicidal, why should I think that anything can ever change? I know that's just depressive narrow-minded thinking when I feel okay, but it's hard to keep that in mind at other times.
Lately, I have been feeling fairly positive and hopeful that things can really get better, but we'll see how long that lasts...
Just some thoughts.
poster:mmcasey
thread:235041
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030617/msgs/235041.html