Posted by lil' jimi on May 29, 2003, at 13:24:53
In reply to 5/21/03 or how my life slipped over the guardrail , posted by leeran on May 22, 2003, at 1:33:24
hi lee,
you did a great job of expressing yourself without profanity .... truly masterful.
and, oooooh, i know you could have used some of that expletive vocabulary.....Because You have been RIPPED OFF!!
You (YOU!!) put in the hard (and some (?) not so hard) 15 Years of Good Work ..... not to mention conception (well, .... never mind), gestation (!) and Labor! (!!!) and then the life-affirming nurturing and LOVING (!!!) 24/7 for nearly 15 years !!!!
..... Only to have to that sneaky, snarky, snakey Ex-hub-bar-bear-ian swoop down out of those dark clouds like a vulture, snatching up our brave, smart, strong, young-one in those self-involved, self-indulgent, self-centered talons ....
... oddly the sky was clear and bright just before that unscheduled total solar eclipse of your love and life .....
.... so there is that sudden ANGER: vengeful, furious and ...... devastated.
lee lee, i do not know how to get close to the pain you are suffering, but i have imagined how bad it might be ...... and i am so sorry for you ..... you are a very good person and you deserve better than this!
anyway, lee, i have managed to think of one thing that could be of some (small?) consolation to you ....
i remember from my college abnormal psychology course that there were “twin” studies done on alcoholism where the incidence of alcoholism in both identical and fraternal twins is measured and compared with the incidence of alcoholism in their parents .... typically these studies use twins who have been separated at birth in order to separate genetic factors from the environmental factors .... the statistics comparing the parents to the offspring and the identical twins to each other versus the fraternal twins to each other strongly suggested an overwhelming genetic influence in alcoholism .....
... (sorry this is so round about) ...
... there was one curious co-relation though: offspring brought up in an alcoholic environment (i.e., in the home of an alcoholic parent) had a significantly LOWER incidence of alcoholism than did the offspring who grew up away from the alcoholic environment .... why?
because the twin with a genetic predisposition for alcoholism who lives with an afflicted parent has the benefit (!) of a Negative Role Model to reject ..... whereas, the twins with a genetic weakness towards alcoholism who are raised outside of an alcoholic environment, lose out on the experience of the cautionary tale that is the life of an alcoholic, and so, get no warnings and succumb to alcoholism a higher rate.
(mention of alcoholism here is for purposes of analogy ONLY and certainly not because i am suggesting there is any alcoholism among any members of anybody’s family ....... in my analogy alcoholism is symbolic of any possible negative character traits.)
.... all of which is my (way!) long-winded way of suggesting that we may well expect that your son should get a load of his old man close up and long-term and get to figure out what you know already about ol’ Ex-o, and el young-one will have the hope and blessing to learn what to reject from Ex-o’s best negative role modeling .... eventually. ..... And grow into a man accordingly.
according to this theory, your boy will come home to you better for your sacrifice-you-make-now by being afforded this chance to grow out of and beyond his father’s deficits ... ... and, we may not unreasonably expect, your loving boy (and sooo soon to be a man!) will appreciate the suffering you are going through now because you are exercising the very great goodness which is expected from every parent ..... you are letting him go ..... and grow up ..... without you there .... because you love him so.
well, expecting him to explicitly thank you is too hyperbolic, really, .... however, when you see he has matured and managed to grow beyond his ol’ man, when he has taught himself the wisdom that you have about your Ex-o, when has learned to handle that relationship and to be stronger for it, when he has grown up into the better person than his dad could ever be ......
then you will have the best thanks any parent could hope for and your boy will be that good (better!) (best!) adult man that you could hope for.
hope ..... jim’s offering a lot of hope there .... and not a lot else.
so,
now all we have to do is to find some way to help our good kind ms lee to get beyond this pain from being so ripped off and to help her out of all of this suffering here ........i’m working on it!
love and prayers,
~ jimp.s. please post here when you feel up to it .... a lot of folks here want to hear how you are doing and would like to offer their support in these, your dark days.
~ j
poster:lil' jimi
thread:228259
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030517/msgs/229951.html