Posted by Greg on May 28, 2003, at 12:11:50
In reply to Oh, you guys. Does it ever end?, posted by Miller on May 28, 2003, at 9:16:51
Hi Miller,
Our lives are dramatic, at least to us. Something dramatic happens to me every single day, a run-in with a co-worker, getting stuck in traffic, going to a dr's appt and having to wait. All trivial things to most people, but a very big deal to me, and to you too I'd bet.
Those are good things that happened to you yesterday, especially about your meds. I was thrilled after trying 20 (or more) different meds and finally finding the right combo. The one truly traumatic thing I see on your list, job interview. I used to be able to nail those puppies! Now I panic during the initial call, the interview itself is a disaster. I completely understand you not being able to sleep. It comes with the territory I think.
I wish I could tell you how to feel safe, everyone has their own ways of doing that. My wife makes me feel safe. She's taken a lot of her free time to look into my disorder and see how she can go about helping me. And I try to communicate to her when I need her help. Talking to friends helps. Another poster here, Shar, has become one of my dearest friends, and we talk often on the phone. She is incredibly good at making me feel safe, she knows how to help keep my mind balanced. A great lady.
I'm very concerned that you have to keep your thoughts of suicide from your pdoc. Idealation and action are two very different things and you should be able to tell him that you've had thoughts without fear of retribution. He's not doing you any favors by severing that bond of trust. There's not many people here that haven't had suicidal thoughts, and even those who have attempted it are not necessarily going to try it again. You need to find away to talk to your pdoc about this. You have to be able to be open with him without fear.
I have days when good things happen and I do appreciate them, that can happen to you too. Will you feel like you deserve them? I don't know, that's a hard one for me. I spent all my life as a child being told I was worthless and didn't deserve anything, and that stuck with me pretty deep. But you are worthy of living, you're a good person Miller. I've seen you reach out to so many here with a helping hand. People that aren't worthy don't do things like that.
I'm sorry it's so bad. You're in my thoughts and my heart.
Greg
poster:Greg
thread:229685
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030517/msgs/229725.html