Posted by jerrympls on April 21, 2003, at 20:59:02
In reply to Re: Depression, meds, working, supervisor « jerrympls » Dr. Bob, posted by Alara on April 18, 2003, at 3:34:12
You all have posted such wonderful responses! I completely identify with what you all have posted as your experiences and thoughts on what I may be experiencing too.
I thought I'd give some general responses and tell you what has happened recently -
-I've come to realize that I am almost in a paralizing state of anxiety and guilt - at work it's a bit less, but at home it's worse- I keep focusing on what my supervisor MAY be thinking, projects that I've kept too long on the back burner, etc....ugh..NOT healthy
-After speaking with an Employee Asst. couselor and Disability Services, I found out that I've told my supervisors too much already-ex: I could have gotten by with "I'm sick today, but can work from home..." instead of "Due to a new treatment option I'm going to be home today..." etc... so, now, of course, I compulsively worry that I may have done too much "damage" while revealing more than I had too - but I can't go back and change the past...so.......?
-We're going through tough budget cuts which will mean layoffs and/or asking certain employees to work 75% or 90% - so of course I'm nervous that I'll either be laid off or asked to work less- this anxiety goes back to my previous point of having already said too much that may have already been somewhat influential in who they've considered for layoff/time- reductions. If it does happen to me - how do I know it's NOT because of what I have already told them about my illness?
-I've come to realize that no one in my area really knows what it is I do exactly - because I do so much background work it's hard to show a finished project. I'm constanly patching holes in this application (I work with computers to some degree) so co-workers can print corrrectly, scheduled/re-scheduled meetings, fix formatting problems on our website, etc. etc etc. Also, many times others are given complete recognition for projects I've had a major hand in - I want to be more assertive about being kept in the loop but how?
-Yes, I am on a handful of meds. I've had a reduction in Lexapro and have had periods of being off Xanax and Ambien- however, I've not seen any difference - as far as feeling drugged, etc - between being on or off them. My case is complex-and am being seen my two pdocs and an endocrinologist - so we'll see. I really wish I could be on only one med....
I think that's about it for now. I REALLY appreciate all of your comments/suggestions/personal experiences - they help SO much!!!
Jerry :-)
poster:jerrympls
thread:219777
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030421/msgs/221287.html