Posted by Paige on February 6, 2003, at 19:45:49
If anyone has any gentle advice I am all ears
and eyes I guess. I lost my sister last April, she had leukemia AML and a stem cell transplant
that didn't take. She got GVHD real had (graft
versus host disease) and it killed her and slowly.
I took care of her and watched her go from a vibrant and carrying woman (she was a social worker who headed the vocational rehab.program for Native Americans out in King County in the Seattle and outlying areas-she loved her work and helping people- I was very proud of her and everyone loved her, it was amazing to see so much support for her) to complete this sentence, I don't even
know what you call it-I can't complete it. But I watched her die and I buried her (she was cremated) and sibling loss is not like any other. She was only 41 with a daughter of 20 and a husband and a sister(me) who always loved her and cared for her and helped her
to the best I could. But the whole year has been a series of loss upon loss. Losing her has been the worst. An old friend friend died this summer, and now another friend is gone. HE is alive, but just dropped me. I wasn't much use . I had troubles too and I felt like a rag doll and only had so much to offer and when I stood up for me, my friend abandoned me. We also dated, but it did not work out and I have tried to remain friends, but one minute he is there and then ignores me and does not tell me what is wrong or what I did this time. I think it is cruel and immature (he is 54...I guess age is not important when it comes to matters of the heart and comappsion or lack of).I think about all these things and they interfere with everything, my school, my life. My depression is right back where is was at its worst and I wonder am I missing something here? How do you stop obsessing and letting go? I can't seem to figure that part out and it is torment. Sorry so long, but it's a lot to handle by myself. Most people don't understand and I feel used up. I try to reconcile and make peace with anyone I have had troubles with and they dispose of me and then there is my sister I can never talk to again. IT is one thing after another. I guess I have bad karma. Any cheerful or thoughtful advice would be great. I just study and obsess and cry. That is not quite living is it? I can't differentiate what is important anymore and what to get rid of and how. I can only keep reaching out so much.
Thanks for reading,
Paige
poster:Paige
thread:36505
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030201/msgs/36505.html