Posted by Tabitha on December 25, 2002, at 20:32:30
Here it is, delayed rage reaction to family contact. Now I remember why I stopped talking to my dad (stepdad really). Had a 20 minute phonecall today, first time we've talked since March, and that visit was insulated by enough people and activity that we weren't alone together. This crap totally unbalances me. First is, he doesn't listen to me. If I say more than about 2 sentences, he interrupts, or just responds with a subject change. It's comical. It's been this way since I was a kid. Anything that's not 100% happy is most likely to get this response. THere's zero sense of connection or being heard or talking about anything real. I shared some about my work stress lately, not much really, and after some subject changes, he says "well, I'm glad to hear everything's going good". Hello? Were you listening at all? His personality is fake hearty happy cheery superficial and it's like speaking a foreign language to try to talk about real life to him.
Then there's his utter ignorance of depression. You'd think he might have learned something by now after being married to my mom (who suicided) for 15 years, and knowing me and my brother. My brother isn't in treatment, he copes by binge eating and just generally being foul-tempered. Brother is severly obese, has serious heart trouble due to the obesity, has been told he'll live only 1-5 years more by his doctors if he doesn't lose weight (he's only 41). My dad thinks he can give him a pep talk that will cure him. He honestly thinks this. I just want to smack him. (dad, not brother. well, maybe brother too). I told him my bipolar diagnosis when it happened and he's not mentioned it since. We talk about every other health complaint of every family member. He wants to hear all about some minor foot trouble I had, long after it had resolved, and I'd told him it had resolved, and he never asks how I'm doing moodwise, or medication-wise, or anything. It's just how's your job going, and how's your car running, and do you still have your rabbits (I've not had rabbits for 5 years, I've told him this). He doesn't have alzheimers, honest. Just a total inability to remember the simplest facts of my life.
Then dad says he & wife are going to come visit me for a week. No asking me how I feel about this, just announcing his plan. They came for 2 days once and it nearly did me in. They didn't even stay with me that time, but now he's hinting about it. It's so hard to be around someone when there's no connection. It's just purely draining, and supressing my anger, and feeling guilty because I can't be superficially cheerful and "nice" like him. And his wife grates on my nerves about as much as he does. I'll have this new burden of worry about whether they'll do it or not, and when will I have to tell them they can't.
I hate him, I do. Isn't it awful to hate someone who's "nice"? Therp suggests I tell him some of this, thinks it will clear it up, but I think it will make it worse. So far every time I've tried this "clearing things up" conversation it's ended the relationship, or else it's had no impact at all, which makes me more angry.
Where's the reward for keeping up this relationship to even the minimal degree that I do? I don't see any. Drives me nuts. After a year with zero contact except a couple superficial emails I got sentimental. mistake.
poster:Tabitha
thread:34007
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021218/msgs/34007.html