Posted by Peter S. on November 20, 2002, at 17:40:48
In reply to Re: I hate being mellow!, posted by Eddie Sylvano on November 20, 2002, at 9:07:43
Thanks for the feedback and your experience Eddie. This was at a non-profit and I've a feeling they wanted someone to go out and organize and network.
One of my issues is that I'm a psychic yo-yo! Today my mellowness has faded. I was almost suicidal last night and I woke up in the morning and I felt great- calm, ready for anything that came my way. I should say I got very little sleep last night. This is a pattern with me and I feel like I can't deal with it. I feel like Jekyll and Hyde. Who am I going to be tomorrow?
I have a feeling I might be bipolar II or III having never had a real manic episode.
Jeez! I think I would rather just be depressed all the time. When I go into depression from feeling good it feels like I'm being hit by a 2 by four.
> > I just got rejected on a job interview because I wasn't "dynamic" enough. It would have been my first supervisory position and I understand their point
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> Do you have to be loud and energetic to manage? I mean, I could see if you were managin a Taco Bell or something, but if it's on office position, your job doesn't require high intensity, just good judgement.
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> > Does anyone else feel like their depression has affected their personality on a long term basis?
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> It's kept me from ever trying to accomplish much, that's for sure. It's kept me from talking to women. It's taken away the pleasure I used to get from drawing and writing, so I don't do that anymore. It's reinforced whatever negative notions I had about myself. Sitting here now, I don't really have any good friends, don't feel like I've ever applied myself, and am not that passionate about anything (well, that's changing).
> It seems to me that in personality, there are many factors at play. One is enthusiasm, for lack of a better word. Having the energy and drive to engange in whatever interests you. That's not enough, though, because you also need conviction, so that you're able to retain your beliefs and goals in the face of adversity (depression) and criticism.
> For some reason I was just thinking the other day about personality, and how plastic it was in school. I remember all my friends leaving school in the summber after 5th grade and then returning the next school year transformed into radically new personalities (nerd into skinhead, friendly goof into opportunistic social critic, etc). I came back the same, and don't feel that I've changed much to this day. I have the conviction still, but maybe not the energy.
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poster:Peter S.
thread:32511
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021120/msgs/32575.html