Posted by wendy b. on June 21, 2002, at 18:19:15
In reply to Losing my niece or nephew ... very sad., posted by waterlily on June 21, 2002, at 16:32:39
Dear Waterlily,
Oh, boy, my heart is breaking. So many of us know how deeply moving it is to be carrying a baby, and to want it. I suppose you felt that way about your children, and this is so antithetical to the way your pregnancies went. Even though I had a bad marriage that didn't work out, I still think my daughter is the best thing in my life, always will be, even though, or in spite of the fact that she was a product of a bad marriage. So it's hard to understand for me, and probably even more for you, why your sister can't bring herself to accept the child.
It's sad... How terrible for the growing baby not to have the mother and father send love messages to it, like we did. I read poetry and played music for my baby when she was still in the womb. I patted her and told her how excited we were that she was coming. I believe she understood that... And this baby isn't getting that, these are the kinds of things I think about.
But perhaps once she sees the baby, she'll change her mind. You never know. Our instincts win out sometimes, and motherhood, even though it may not have been on your sister's agenda, may be a part of life that she could accept and acknowledge. I think we're all very flexible, and we can adapt and change our minds about things we once felt very strongly about. Don't you? Perhaps you can tell your sister to try not to make any firm adoption plans until she actually delivers. Is that possible?
God, I feel like saying, and I guess I will, that I would take the baby, and you could see her(him) any time you wanted. I always wanted more than one. This is silly talk, but I really feel your anguish and wish there were something I could do... Very frustrating...
Please write again, I would appreciate knowing more about how you are feeling, and about how things are progressing as far as the baby and your sister are getting along.
What a heartbreaker.
All the best to you,
Wendy
ps: if you want, you can e-mail me at:
koleppski at yahoo dot com
poster:wendy b.
thread:25557
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020616/msgs/25559.html