Posted by fi on June 3, 2002, at 16:11:58
I am very grateful that in the last few years I have been able to do all the basic everyday things without being regularly derailed by shattering depression (thanks, Prozac…) I manage a full time job, plus the resulting couple of hours of commuting, and the house/garden/family visit stuff, plus a short beach holiday most years. Which is amazing, in comparison to my past.
I know I am very lucky to do what I do, but I’m not doing the extra things which would give me some nice memories to look back on in my old age.
Not really living in that sense- no partner, no kids, no hobbies (apart from stopping the garden running amok), no adventurous foreign holidays or other big pleasant experiences... Things I enjoy are passive- TV, books… Also I sometimes go to the theatre or an exhibition, but as a result am often knackered the next day. None are the kind of thing you remember a year later.
Other people I know pack all sorts of interesting, memorable things into their spare time. I suppose I mean they live life to the full- I just live it (waste it?)
Its mainly a lack of stamina (tho maybe I should force myself to do more..), partly I don’t have a passion for anything, plus just the way things worked out.
Again, I know this sort of angst is a luxury when I know that for less lucky people than me, just getting thru a day is a victory (I remember days like that all too well).
Its just rather sad to be missing out.
Fi
poster:fi
thread:25000
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020531/msgs/25000.html