Posted by IsoM on May 22, 2002, at 0:55:25
In reply to Issues with my mom, posted by Manda on May 21, 2002, at 22:53:45
You'll get support from me, Manda. Yes, perhaps you are selfish & spoiled - I don't REALLY know you BUT you don't seem like it in the least to me. You just sound confused, troubled, & hurt.
Of course, you would find the prospect of 'growing up' & taking on responsibility to be daunting! One of the roles of good parenting is to gently ease (to the best of our imperfect abilities) our children through the transition of adolescence into adulthood. We do so by showing them bit by bit how to make good decisions, & the reasons for these choices. If a parent doesn't help their child develop this ability, how will they ever know how to make decisions? It doesn't come naturally like walking but is a skill that needs to be taught & then fine-honed through trial-&-error.
If your decisions were always made for you, or when given the chance to do so yourself, it was torn apart afterwards, growing up with all its responsibilites WOULD BE frightening. You're already mentally prepared to do it all wrong & unconsiciously feel someone will tear apart your decisions, it seems to me.
Sadly, your Mom probably had difficulty in growing up herself. You may be aware of something that may have affected her, or it might even be something she keeps strictly to herself. If she's been sweet & nurturing for a while but wasn't this last time, maybe something has triggered her reaction. Not anything you've done - but something, anything else that may have made her unconsicously revert to old behaviour.
I, too, have a small reservoir for tolerance to stresses. I think I'm doing okay then something fairly trivial will come along & frustrate me no end - out of all proportion to how I should feel. At such times, I pull back a little & reason with myself saying "I guess my mental reserve isn't quite as filled as I thought it to be". Makes me realise that I still may be rather fragile for whatever reason. It shows me that mentally (& sometimes physically), I'm a little run-down & either need more sleep, more nutrients, more walks, or more of something or another that strengthens me. In a few days, I'll feel a little better.
Don't feel bad about coming apart over something like this. If you weren't affected, I don't think you'd be the sweet person I imagine you. It would have to be a pretty heartless, tough, uncaring individual not to feel so hurt & devastated. And you're not like that. Rest assure dyour reaction to all this is very normal. I wonder if there's any classes or therapies that teach decision-making abilities that would help you? Maybe someone else can comment on that.
poster:IsoM
thread:24263
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020517/msgs/24267.html