Posted by Automated Lady on May 2, 2002, at 13:46:29
In reply to Any cutters??? Please help my 12yr old, posted by cmcdougall on May 1, 2002, at 13:10:09
Hi
I'm 24 and probably last cut seriously aged 21 - it just seemed to stop working after that (in the sense that I didn't get the relief from it anymore). So I would firstly say to you that people tend to grow out of cutting, some earlier than others
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> How old were you when you started cutting and what was the triggering incident?I started aged 15/16 and I can remember doing it after fights with my parents particularly. It was the sense of frustration and being misunderstood and powerless, and this was a way of being powerful. I have to say that I only started doing it because I read about someone else who did it: it would never have ocurred to me otherwise.
> What was your sneakiest way of hiding it?
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I always wore long sleeves, even in summer.> What events would compel you to cut?
With me there were two main situations: the first was feeling humiliated or ignored or disliked by other people (and, therefore, angry with them, although I didn't see that at the time). I would also cut as a way of relieving feelings of numbness and emptiness when I was depressed.
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> What was your favorite body part to cut?I always cut my arms. I tried legs, stomach, but it just didn't make me feel good.
> In hindsight, what could anyone have done to help you?
>
I did it, basically, because it made me feel good, and very few things did. I was depressed and no one noticed or seemed to care. I think if I had had help in the form of medication or therapy, or if I had just had more understanding and affection from my family (who dealt with my illness by ignoring it) I would have done it less. In the end, though, I think the less attention that is paid to the actual cutting and the more paid to the reasons behind it, the better. If you make it into a really big deal (and I know this is hard when it's someone you care about) then it can become something that is used to punish (I know this because it happened with my boyfriend when I was in my late teens. Whenever I felt neglected by him I'd cut myself and make sure he saw it. This made me feel even worse about myself, as I knew it was manipulative and cruel, and the whole situation spiralled).> How can I help my beloved 12 yr old stepdaughter who was recently caught cutting?
This is only my opinion, but I really do think that no matter how upsetting and scary it is, you must not focus on the cutting. I always felt very exposed and ashamed when anyone mentioned it to me, and it is a very private thing. She needs to find other ways to deal with her feelings.
I hope this wasn't too long and rambly. I think for most people who cut it really is a passing phase and it may well be for your stepdaughter. there's also a bit of a "craze" for it at the moment, and she may just be "trying it out" and it might not happen again. I think the key is not to panic or focus too much on it.
All the best
AL
poster:Automated Lady
thread:22955
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020430/msgs/22995.html