Posted by IsoM on March 15, 2002, at 12:51:31
In reply to update, posted by KB on March 15, 2002, at 11:22:50
Okay, reading everything through more carefully, here's my thoughts on it. Use what may be useful, or chuck it all, I don't mind. Only hope something may prove useful.
Excuse my interjection of something from the Bible. I'm not asking you to believe the Bible, just notice how accurate its assessment of the differences between men & women. In it, it counsels about marriage & it tells husbands 'CONTINUE loving your wives' & 'a husband ought to love his wife as he does himself'. For women, it tells them 'to respect their husbands'.
It's interesting that this is mentioned because one of the most common complaints from women, even in a good relationship, is that he takes her for granted. A man will truly love his mate but ends up feeling so comfortable with her, like a paired of favourite old, worn out slippers, that he really doesn't notice her. In a sense, it's a compliment - he feels that much at ease with you. But in another way, it's not good - she needs reassurance & feedback from him. And with some men, when something new & exciting (another woman, a new sport or hobby, a career) comes along, she's left behind. Men have a challenge to keep loving their mate & to keep letting her know it. It's a continuous, on-gpoing thing. He shouldn't just tell you once that you're loved but should show it regularly, even daily, in a relationship.
Women, on the other hand, tend to see how comfortable a man gets around them - hanging out on the weekends unshaven, in old sweats, burping & farting around them without apologising, a man with all his faults showing, along with being taken for granted - and start losing respect for him. We want a man we can feel comfortable & safe with, but who still has some of the prince charming in him.
My suggestion is if you both really do love one another & wish to stay together (you'll often encounter many of the same problems you have now in a different relationship too), why not ask him if he'd like to go to therapy or counselling with you to work on keeping your relationship fresh & vital. It can be done. I mean, the counsel in the Bible is never 'blue-eyed people try your best to be brown-eyed' - instead it only counsels things that can be achieved. Husbands CAN continue loving their wives as themselves & wives CAN continue repecting their husbands. Men, by nature, if they love a woman, respect her too, while women tend to have no problems with showing love to the man.
poster:IsoM
thread:19628
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020314/msgs/19899.html