Posted by fi on March 12, 2002, at 8:42:06
In reply to what now?, posted by sid on March 11, 2002, at 13:56:19
Lots of wise things said already...
I was thinking of a couple of things. Trying not to repeat, but apologies where I do:
Take it slowly in small manageable chunks- even someone of a very resilient nature would find it oppressive to try and catch up all at once. Schedule in things *now* which you enjoy, which were maybe hard to do before (going out for a meal with friends? going on vacation for a couple of days? going to a park or free museum with friends, if money is tight?)
Is there anyone you can use for what would be more career/life counselling, rather than therapy? Not about the past but the future?
'Lost years' are extremely painful to look back on, even for those who werent just trying to stay alive. I know someone who now works as the kind of counsellor I mentioned above, but who was a nun until her mid-40s. She completely lost her faith, and has had a tough time both rebuilding her life and coming to terms with those lost years- she sees them as a waste, and would have loved to have kids. Now she does amazing things on a small income, with very careful planning (like visiting exciting places).
Nothing so dramatic for me, but I do have my own load of 'if only's', as it seems have several of us. Probably everyone has some by middle age, tho of course you have had a particularly bleak time.
I think it comes down to doing 2 things at the same time; coming to terms with the lost time, so that it does not preoccupy you and use up time and energy now(although of course you still regret it),and planning for the future.
Good luck, and pack in lots of small things you enjoy!
Fi
poster:fi
thread:19640
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020305/msgs/19691.html