Posted by Phil on March 3, 2002, at 18:18:43
Just finished a 3 month run of insanity. Got involved with a married woman. I hate to even admit it and not proud of it.
It was one of those all consuming(mind)mixed up, miscommunicated messes. She's back with her husband now. I'm happy about that.
When we were both trying to end it or 'sort it out', a part of me surfaced that was never there before. I know AA's and 12 step folks, and others will recognize this. There were a lot of dynamics involved, I could write a book.
Here's the part that I turn into a total jerk.
I didn't want to lose her but I chose a game where very few win. I sent her very vicious emails on approximately 3 different times. Not life threatening but absolutely cruel as shit.
The first few times, she forgave me. Last night and this morning I sent more. It was like I didn't know the consequences of this continuing and forgot the previous days problems and warnings. In other words, while being on meds for 20+ years, this is the first time I've really thought I've lost my mind.
Lots of stuff probably contributed to my anger but I have to take this one by the horns and change. I know this centers around sexual addiction(perfect example)but nothing mattered when I wrote.
I'm ashamed, humiliated, and a bit worried over my actions. I'm in group and am seeing my pdoc on the 4th and 11th. I will probably try some new groups very soon!!
Anyone relate on either side?
This was and is a good person that I hurt.
Input? I told you so's?Hurting badly,
Phil / thanks for reading this. Had to let it out. Please, no religious teachings or preaching.
poster:Phil
thread:19169
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020223/msgs/19169.html