Posted by IsoM on February 13, 2002, at 15:35:01
In reply to Mother's milk, posted by trouble on February 12, 2002, at 22:43:29
Trouble, I don't even know what to say. After reading your post, I sat & stared at the monitor for a long, long time. I still don't know whether to post this as it sounds trite or what. I'm posting it anyways.
I don't ever seem to cry - I hate crying. It makes my head hurt so bad & I feel F***'D up for days afterwards. So much about healing powers of crying. But I type this with my eyes wet & heavy.
How did you survive? What happened to your brother? Why was your Mom so evil, though there was obviously good there too? What made her like that? Could you ever reach her when she was good?
This is so painful. How I wonder do people ever handle life like that? No animal ever inflicts the sheer torture on their offspring as people do. My father hurt us so bad, I was terrified of him when small, (never once did I ever have a friend or cousin sleep over because of what he was like) but he was never that horrible. My Mom gave us unconditional love in buckets except for a brief lapse going through menopause & an affair my father was having.
I resolved when I was a mother never to reject my sons for anything. I didn't always keep my promise but would always tell them afterwards I was sorry & it wasn't their fault I acted like that. It was me. I never had even my loving Mom tell me she was sorry for anything & I knew it has to be done.
Oh, trouble, I hurt for you. I don't always have sympathy for people when I think they brought their pains on themseves & knew it (you DIDN'T bring your pain on), but I always have the empathy still. I can somehow "feel" their pain. It hurts. At least, you've got her "opposing side-warm, kind, funny, charming, generous, tender, haunted, gracious, vulnerable, impish, and beautiful." I truly mean that. Your posts convey so much feelings & emotions. There's so, so much depth in you.
I hope you can heal from all this & despite all this. Horrible, horrible thing to say - but somehow it has made you stronger despite wreaking havoc with your life.
poster:IsoM
thread:18179
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020202/msgs/18192.html