Posted by mair on December 14, 2001, at 7:40:42
In reply to Why oh why do I do the things I do-A lighter note, posted by Dinah on December 14, 2001, at 1:19:08
Dinah - I tried to post a response to this thread yesterday and lost it somehow after I had typed it. - very aggravating.
I sometimes read your stuff and think that you and I must be working on some of the same issues. The best that I can offer is what I'm pretty sure my therapist would say about this. (patient-therapist relationships has been something we've talked about alot lately)
I'm sure she'd say that the 2 events are related and that what's happening to you now is transference at work. Her theory is that the way we interact with others is driven by experiences we've had before and that these same reactions/interactions can get replayed in a therapeutic relationship. For instance, if your childhood experience was to feel abandoned or dismissed, you may well feel that your therapist is doing the same. If you can work some of these relationship issues out with your therapist it may help rid you of the feeling that everyone is going to treat you the same way. (I'm sure I'm misstating and over simplifying here but I think this is the basic idea). The point is that a good therapist should recognize this and should be very open to discussing your relationship - as a valuable tool to work out some of those childhood issues. If you hold stuff like this back, it's more likely to interfere with the good that can come of therapy.
Talking to my therapist about our relationship is the lowest of the low on my list of therapy topics and I'm usually taken there pretty grudgingly. My therapist is pretty insistent that I do raise issues I have about things she said, or ways she made me feel and we have had to work through my periodic fears that she's going to jettison me as a client because I'm not getting better enough quickly enough, for instance. However awkward, I do think it's been helpful and I feel pretty strongly that you have to discuss some of what you've been feeling with this guy. If he's a decent therapist, he'll handle this discussion well and be glad that you brought it up. If he can't deal with it., I don't think you should keep seeing him.
One last thing - when you're feeling down, the easiest thing in the world is to second guess yourself, and because you feel dependent on this therapist, you're particularly going to second guess any negative feelings you have. Wendy's right though - you have to trust your instincts.
With your "am I odd" thread, you got me thinking about some issues concerning my own feelings of disconnectedness. If I get a chance I'm going to start my own thread about this. Regardless of how people who actually know you may perceive you, your writing on this Board would never suggest someone who's "odd" (for whatever that means) I've been sort of wondering if this Board is filled with people who express themselves in writing far better than they do orally.
Mair
poster:mair
thread:15439
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011207/msgs/15513.html