Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2001, at 8:33:38
In reply to dissociation, posted by Katey on December 7, 2001, at 23:06:08
I rather suspect that it is different for everyone. In my case it is profound disconnection. I'm sure this will be long but here goes.
When I am threatened by emotions I just mentally leave. Often I will feel an odd whooshing feeling like I am zooming backwards away from everything at a high rate of speed, sometimes I will feel odd or dizzy, sometimes I will have an involuntary nap, and sometimes I just have a subtle spaced out feeling and not even know I'm doing it.
At this point, I can observe what is going on around me, but it really seems to be distant, dreamlike, and as if it has nothing at all to do with me. I can't observe my feelings at all. Usually the whooshing occurred before I even had a chance to figure out what emotions I was feeling, so I'm not sure what I'm defending against. At this point my emotional self and my thinking self are even more estranged than usual, and I have no idea what my feelings are or what my emotional thoughts and perceptions are. I haven't stopped feeling the emotions. I still sometimes act based on the emotions. But I have no conscious awareness of what the emotions are or why they are. I have at least learned to often but not always realize that it is happening.
To others at this time I seem very calm but sort of out of it. They might have to repeat things to me or might have trouble getting my attention. I'm not elsewhere, I'm just very blank.
I have no control over the process, but I learned how to do it in order to function when I was a suicidal and out of control adolescent. It sometimes comes in handy.
On a lesser level, I am often quite disconnected from my emotional self and am constantly confused by the things "she" causes me to feel or do.
Thanks for asking. I'm really trying to figure this out myself and breaking it down into its smallest parts helps me do this.
poster:Dinah
thread:15212
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011207/msgs/15224.html