Posted by akc on December 6, 2001, at 9:49:01
In reply to Re: A broken record AKC and » Greg, posted by Cam W. on December 6, 2001, at 0:28:04
Cam,
I just am really struggling with the concept that this is not about my meds, but rather about my inablity to deal with life on lifes terms -- as much as I hate posts that tell people to quit whining and get on with life, take action, etc., tht is what I kinda think I need to do right now. Having made it through some real triggering events these past few months, about losing my mom, caring for her in her illness, the terrorist atacks, my surgery, and handling these things quite well -- not manic, but real even, the fact that I have deteriorated and then snapped -- I don't know -- it just doesn't seem like it should be the meds. They seemed to be doing well. And up to a week ago, even though I was struggling, I was winning. And while my mom is still ill, and pressures at work are heavy, I have not had any one big trigger -- makes me think it is in my head.
So I don't know what to think about the meds. Plus the idea of depakote scares me (one idea she threw out last night), I don't know much about gedeon (sp?), and she gave me the wrong (groan) benzo -- I wanted xanax because I wanted the rush -- wrong reason, but it is what I wanted -- that quick fix.
I really do trust my pdoc. We had a rough spot or two a while back -- typical of any of these relationships, but she understands me and is sticking by me in all of this. As are all the people involved in my treatment. I don't understand that at all -- I've got to be causing them to really scratch their heads, because I was doing so good, and now this.
Whew, long winded, sorry about that. I just continue to struggle. Don't know when this will end! Wish someone could figure the meds out and solve all my problems -- but the meds are not the problem -- I really think this is going to ultimately continue regardless of whatever meds I am on I am afraid, unless I do learn better coping skills for when the brain storm arrives.
akc
poster:akc
thread:14945
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011130/msgs/15076.html