Posted by Gracie2 on December 3, 2001, at 22:36:49
In reply to Re: AA « Noa, posted by Dr. Bob on November 30, 2001, at 19:29:47
I didn't know where to post this - so here it is.
AA was not a good experience for me. At the time I wasn't drinking much, but I had a drug problem.
However, my guess is that my psychiatrist who recommended AA to me was hoping their program would help instill values and lessons in restraint. He didn't have a good opinion of NA, as apparently some members get together after meetings to sell drugs and get high. Incidentally, this is not MY opinion - it's his. I
don't know where he came by this information.Since my drinking was well under control at the time, It didn't occur to me at first that having one drink on a social occassion was a great big deal. Everyone in the group admitted to being "clean and sober" during the week until they got to me, and I said, "I had one beer at the ballgame last night."
The room got silent, everyone swiveled around to look at me, and I felt as if I had just admitted to being a terrorist. Then the leader of the group started to YELL at me. I don't know what I expected, - maybe something like, "What made you feel as if you needed that drink?" - but he humiliated me, ranting about my weakness and shameful behaviour and the impression I was making on the other members. I'm 40 years old, and I have enough self-respect left not to allow myself to be treated in that manner. I was too shocked to answer him, but in the middle of his tirade I picked up my things and left. I considered giving him the finger, but decided to exit with dignity.I am sure that not every AA leader is an egotistical p****, and I know that AA has helped thousands of people. Again, it must be a matter of finding the right group, and I just happened to pick the wrong one. In fact, while this man was yelling at me, you could tell he was enjoying himself, that it made him feel happy or powerful or whatever to degrade me in front of a group of people. That was frightening to me. I'd bet my house that this sober humanitarian, who is supposed to enjoy teaching and mentoring and helping others, goes home many nights and beats his wife.
Look at it this way: you get a new job with new HMO insurance. They give you a book with a list of primary physicians acceptable to your HMO, but your regular doctor isn't on the list and you've never even heard of these other family doctors.
I had just a few things to go by - I wanted a board-certified doctor, a doctor fairly close to my home, and a doctor affliated with a hospital that I prefer. Otherwise, it's a crap-shoot, unless you can get a good recommendation from a friend.You meet this doctor, you observe the way he treats you (patient or piece of meat), how competent he seems to be (medical joke- Q:what do you call the student who graduated in last place at medical school? A: Doctor). If you think you like him, continue to see him for awhile. If you think he's a jerk, get out your list of physicians, call your HMO and tell them you're switching primary physicians. You can change as often as you want. I changed doctors twice in a year and finally found a guy that I really, really like. It was worth the trouble.
Do the same thing with AA until you find a group that you like. It takes courage and preserverence. I have 2 things to say about alcohol: if you're wondering whether you have an
alcohol problem, you probably do. The other thing is, once you escalate into true, severe alcoholism, you are standing on the edge of a dark, bottomless abyss. Looking into it is horrifying beyond words, and God help you if you don't have the strength to step back.
For a taste of the ugliness, bitterness, loss, pain, degradation and desperation of an alcoholic,
I recommend you read "Terry" by George McGovern.
A few years ago, his daughter collapsed in the snow, drunk, and nobody found her until after she had frozen to death. Despite the terrible, embarrassing, expensive problems she caused her family for most of her life, the story is a loving memoir of an intelligent daughter who lost her way in life and succumbed to alcohol. It's a very touching book.Will shut up now, work in the morning.
Happy Holidays to Everyone-
Gracie
poster:Gracie2
thread:14546
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011130/msgs/14849.html