Posted by tina on October 16, 2001, at 14:00:17
The following message requires a warning: it's a rant!
I am sick of the mood swings. Last saturday, I got up in the morning and had energy and bravado to spare. An agoraphobe by nature lately, I was surprised to find myself itching to go out and see and do everything. Things I usually can't even conceive of without some kind of panic attack. Well, the whole day saturday, I saw, did and enjoyed without a single benzo. I didn't want to come home again. Sunday, the same thing. I wanted to go out, I NEEDED to do something, anything. I stayed out and shopped and visited and had great fun. Monday came round and I even felt I had the nerve to go job hunting and I did. I put in a couple of resumes around town and still had the desire to stay out and do stuff.
Now, tuesday, I can't do anything. I had planned to go out job hunting again but I can't even get my ass up off the couch to pick up milk and bread at the grocery store. I have hit bottom again. I'm crying over stupid little things. Haven't eaten all day. Yelling at the dog if she comes within 5 feet of me. I absolutely hate myself right now.
I can't understand why there is such a massive difference today in my mood and function from the last three days. It doesn't come under the heading of rapid cycling. It isn't simple depression. What the hell is it?
I'm tired of getting up in the morning not knowing who is going to be in the mirror?
poster:tina
thread:12598
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011015/msgs/12598.html