Posted by galtin on October 13, 2001, at 11:44:00
In reply to Re: Dependence on therapists Dinah/Galtin, posted by Roo on October 13, 2001, at 9:32:42
> Dinah--I can definitely relate to what you say about
> feeling addicted to that safe place and seeing your
> therapist as a soothing mother. I felt that way towards
> my ex boyfriend, he is such a maternal, soothing presence--
> he felt like the soothing mother I never had. And I, like
> you had no ability to soothe and nuture myself, so I felt
> dependent on him. We are still friends and I still feel
> overly dependent on him for those qualities. I just
> started cognitive/DBT therapy b/c I want to learn
> concrete skills on how to self soothe.
>
> Galtin-Is that why you stayed in therapy for the 4th
> year? Because you were still afraid to trust? I think
> about that with my current therapist who I'm about
> to quit seeing. Sometimes I don't feel i've made any
> progress so I'm going to go see someone else...but sometimes
> a part of me thinks we've developed just enough trust
> for me to come upon a big stumbling block--me trusting
> her enough to become angry with her, and act out in
> angry ways...and I can't deal with that thought, so I'm
> going to leave (basically afraid to encounter the
> anger in myself)....how did you feel after the 4th
> year of therapy?Roo,
When I think back to four years of therapy, three of them at the clip of two sessions a week, I wonder what on earth we talked about. Sometimes it was the proverbial dysfunctional family, though mine was less dysfunctional than most. Much of the rest of the time I talked about the nitty gritty of day-to-day life.I started therapy for several reasons. An almost lethal episode of depression had finally been brought to heel by a new medication. I finally accepted that depression would accompany me one way or another through the rest of my life. Once my depression is full-blown I can do nothing about it. But I hoped that therapy could give me strategies for preventing its onset. The main four themes that wove their way through my four years were anger (of which I was often unaware), lack of trust, out-of-control pessimism, and an analytical approach to life that stifled feelings as soon as they arose, and did this so quickly and automatically that I was usually not aware that the feelings were present.
At the end of the four years I knew that these defects were not a necessary part of my being but, instead, charcteristics I could identify and move against. When I felt this ability to identify and to act, I wound down with the therapy. Before therapy I felt in bondage to invisible but unassailable forces. At the end, I realized that by what I did and what I thought, I could turn toward these forces or away from them. I recognized that what I did shaped how I felt and thought.
I hope you find the right therapist for yourself. I asked for recommendations from people I knew whose judgment I trusted and I was fortunate.
galtin
poster:galtin
thread:12459
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011006/msgs/12476.html