Posted by kazoo on October 7, 2001, at 11:03:39
In reply to Re: Abandonment and Rejection » kazoo, posted by Rosa on October 7, 2001, at 8:43:36
> His natural father abandoned him when he was small and has remarried. His brothers and sister refuse to accept him and they have no contact unless he initiates the call. (It is unclear whether these are children from the second marriage.) His natural father does not try to contact him.
>
> He is seeking acceptance from his natural father and brothers and sister.
>
> He would like to have a father-son relationship with his stepfather but is unable to do so. What do you suggest?
>
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Unless your friend is willing to accept his stepfather's alcoholism, and all the nasty abuse that goes with it, then the only way he can possibly achieve any sort of bonding is by becoming like his stepfather, and even that has no guarantee of working. Alcoholics are nasty creatures and they know it, too. I find them debasing, disgusting and degrading. Alcoholics have this rotten habit of directing their delirium toward those don't deserve it, and for that reason alone they're not worth any kind of affection, sympathy or compassion.I feel for your friend in a big way: he's stuck between "rejection" and "dejection," a decision that no one should have to make.
Regardless of the abandonment issue with his natural father, your friend's best bet would be with his "real" family. The fact that his siblings accept his contact indicates to me that they have not totally discounted him as "family." Perhaps your friend's natural family doesn't know the horror he is faced with and with that knowledge they would be more receptive to his emotional needs. In times of crisis, a family congeals; i.e., they pull together.
You've said nothing about your friend's mother ... how does she feel about this?
My best to your friend and tell him to KEEP TRYING with his real family.
Keep in touch.
kazoo
poster:kazoo
thread:12188
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011006/msgs/12215.html