Posted by Greg A. on September 17, 2001, at 14:26:19
In reply to Too much for me to bear, posted by akc on September 14, 2001, at 20:17:36
akc – shame, I think, was a pretty common theme last week for many of us. Much as I tried to get myself to see that my ‘problems’ paled in significance to the tragedy in NYC, I failed. My problems were still there at the front of my mind. I wrote this at the time:
Thoughts without thinking -
I am saddened by the world. I am saddened by my world. They do not seem connected. Words come to me. Words come out of me. Images. Sadness. Gray and black with plumes of smoke. People running. People crying. I am in their midst uncaring. Why? I can do nothing. I am not part of the living thing. I am alone. No one speaks to me for I have nothing to say. No one listens to me for I say nothing. No one cares for me for I do not care for them. No one cares for I do not care for me. A tragedy. An unspeakable act. The perpetration of madmen. The way of man. The world is upside down. I wish for a day free of pain. A day of enjoying without anguish or doubt. A day of movement without effort. A day of tranquility without strain. A selfish thing to ask. I am ashamed.
Things still do not make sense to me.
I know about that spiraling feeling. What’s going on that you think might be contributing in your case? It sounds like a week of overload for you. If I remember correctly – therapist gone, mother hospitalized, and the events of the world. I suspect anyone, no matter how sound they think they are mentally would feel lousy under those circumstances. So allow yourself the chance to feel but remember it’s not hopeless. What you contribute is valued by others and we need you around. Call on people who care to support you just like you would support them.
What a week for us individually and the world in general. We have enough trouble dealing with our own ‘crazy’ illnesses which often seem beyond our control, only to be reminded that the world itself is crazy. I think many of us who struggle with our own feelings so much are all too capable of feeling deeply for others. The pain of what went on in NYC, and of personal events close to home hits us hard. I am Canadian ( no this is not a Molson’s commercial!) and I see a lot of people on this Board posting thoughts that question revenge and retribution as reasonable reactions to last weeks terrorism. Maybe, while we recoil from the violence and the tragic results, we also recoil from more killing as a way to feel better. A lot of people and a lot of ‘leaders’ seem to feel that stamping out evil is what must be done.
While I cannot say that I sympathize with the terrorists, a lot of violence has been perpetrated throughout history by those who would stamp out evil. Usama Bin Laden thinks western ‘culture’ is evil. He wants to stamp it out. We say, “But we are on the other side of the world. Why does he target us?” He sees all facets of western civilization creeping into his world and does what he thinks he must to stop it. Who is right and who is wrong? I know little of Islam. I know a little more of western religion and philosophy. But, for the life of me, it seems clear that whoever kills is wrong. It makes no difference if you kill first or in retribution.
I don’t advocate waiting to be slaughtered. I don’t want to be killed for my beliefs, or lack of them. I have never been a big fan of Jesus’ turning the other cheek but there has to be a better way to enforce the idea throughout the world that terrorism and killing of innocent people is wrong, than by killing other innocent people. I worry that in a couple of thousand years, we have not found any answers to this question.
Sorry for the long diatribe. I have to stop now ‘cause I’m making myself miserable.
Hang in there akc. I will if you will.
poster:Greg A.
thread:11388
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010915/msgs/11495.html