Posted by Anna Laura on July 14, 2001, at 4:30:07
In reply to Need some support, posted by Glenn Fagelson on July 13, 2001, at 17:53:06
>
> Folks, it has been a real bad day and I could
> sure use some support because life just doesn't
> seem worth the bother and the pain.
> Right now, I would like to crawl in a
> hole and get a lobotomy for "imagined" misdeeds
> and misthoughts that I have committed. The
> "black dog" is upon me today and I do not
> have the psychic energy to push him away.
> I have tried to be the best son that any
> parent would ever want. I am the gentlest
> of souls. My parents try to make me the whipping boy in my family;
> and for right now, there is not much I can do
> about it, due to certain circumstances beyond
> my control. This is not like me to play the
> role of the victim, but I guess I am entitled
> to it for 1 day. Usually I am pretty good
> at fencing off my parents' negative and
> critical natures. Not today,however.
>
> Glenn
>
>
> Ps: Don't get me wrong; I can be quite assertive
> as well as gentle.
>Hi Glenn,
Don't know what to say except that i've been in your shoes: i definitely know how it feels like.
i used to say i was the "lightning-rod" of the family. When one member of the family was nervous discharged his/her rage/anxiety over me :i was hit no matter what, even if it wasn't my fault.
It's difficult to get rid of the role your family assigned you. I don't know if you were talking about this in your post, sometimes i'm having a hard time to decipher the posts, especially if ther's some slang kind of language in it.
Anyway i'm absolutely sure about this: i know the black dog very well, unfortunately.
When i was a child i used to call it "the enemy".
As an adult i've pushed it down deep inside of me, because of rational thinking/psychoanalisis readings,(stay away from that! it's counter-productive!) so that has become part of me now.
Now it's like a Doctor Jekill/mister Hyde type of thing: the ultimate paradox is that lately i've been considering that i was wiser when i was a child: if you can push this thing out, it definitely still has some control over you, but it's way much easier to counter-attack it. Do you know what i mean? If the monster it's outside you can "talk to him", declare war, fighting it back so that is way more easier to defeat it. I hope this post makes some sense and doesn't sound too weird.....Hope you're feeling better today
Anna Laura
poster:Anna Laura
thread:7388
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010706/msgs/7414.html