Posted by Glenn Fagelson on June 11, 2001, at 0:06:17
In reply to all this sounds familiar, posted by Mair on June 10, 2001, at 22:25:58
> > > Sorry Glenn but I just checked in after being away for a few days, and felt I had to weigh in here.
>
> First of all, I don't think you should sweat the sleep drugs. I've been taking small amounts of klonopin on a daily basis for years and periodically I, too, have worried alot about my dependency on this drug or others like it. Fortunately it's no longer an issue that seems to haunt me like it used to. Both my prescribing pdoc and my internist have told me repeatedly that I'm not taking it in large enough doses to really develop a physical dependency, altho I do think I'm psychologically dependent. More importantly lack of sleep has been an obvious trigger for so many depression relapses, that at some point I made up my mind that taking sleep meds was a small price to pay to avoid sleep deprivation.
>
> Secondly, I, and not my therapist and ex-therapist, got on this real kick for awhile (and still occasionally) that I should be able to will myself out of depression. I don't know where this came from except that when I feel okay, I can't imagine why I succumb so easily. A corollary to this is that I must not want to stop being depressed because if I really was resolved, I wouldn't fall into poor thought patterns and I would more seriously adopt a lifestyle more conducive to keeping depression at bay (eg, mostly I'd vigorously exercise on a consistent basis, and try to find any way to switch careers and/or my job). Fortunately, no therapist I've had has ever tried to encourage that line of thinking, since self-blame isn't very productive for the chronically depressed. She may be very loving and well-intentioned, and there are no doubt alot of things she sees which we can't, but I'd certainly not stop taking ADs without the blessing of a pdoc, and the fact that you are so confused about what she wants you to do, tells me that she's not communicating very well with you on this issue, or that she needs to help you feel alot more comfortable before you head out in a new direction. Good luck
>
> Mair
Dear Mair,
You hit it right on the spot! I say the
same thing to myself, that when I am feeling
relatively okay and then get depressed
(within a day or two), I tend to tell
myself that I must not really want to get
better or else I would have put in some checks
& balances to prevent the depression from
coming back. (My Dad after all these years
still tells me to snap out of it.)When I can't
seem to get motivated, I will start to
tell myself that I am either lazy or that I
have a characterological problem or that I
a "success" phobia. The therapist that I have
been seeing thinks that I just have a fear
of success, and she also thinks that we
create our own illnesses. After living
with major, clinical depression for over
40 years, it still amazes me that I cannot
at times believe that I have a real
legitimate illness like diabetes or
epilepsy. There are still way too many
people out there in the world (therapists
& non-therapists) who believe that clinical
depression is strictly a psychological
phenomena. And I seem to buy into it! I would like to believe that
my depression is strictly psychological bec.
that would give me greater hope; however, the
pattern of my illness and its chronicity
tells another story of a condition that is
not really a neurotic problem, but rather a
real physical illness. I need weekly support
to talk things out, but I have just about had
it with pychotherapists.Thank you for responding and thank
you for listening to me.
Glenn
poster:Glenn Fagelson
thread:6363
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010526/msgs/6397.html