Posted by DarkWind on April 16, 2001, at 10:25:32
In reply to Re: a question for anyone to answer, posted by Sulpicia on April 15, 2001, at 22:34:50
first, in response to your comment on my premise, i'm not sure that i said others around us would be "equally" upset regardless of how we go. i've been around enough death to understand that reactions to each one are different. the point i was trying to make was simply that if we go, it doesn't matter how we go, people around us will still be upset.
i can't say that i "understand" your reaction to your friend's father committing suicide - your reaction is your own, and to truly understand it i would have to be inside your head. i will say that in the past, i've not looked upon suicide with a great deal of respect - as i mentioned in my last message, i feel that it's running and i don't like running. that's one of the thoughts i had when someone i knew took his life: "you ran when you should have stood and fought." it was easy for me to say that then - i wasn't going through what i'm going through now - but that thought has kept me alive through this because i'm still fighting. it's just that, after you fight something for a while and see no end in sight, you start wondering what the point in fighting is - that's where i'm at right now. i'm fighting and i really don't even remember why, it just seems the thing to do.
to answer your question about what i'm doing to fight this, i really don't know that i'm doing much. i've been seeing a psychologist and internist for about nine months now. i just recently brought a psychiatrist on board. i've been on a few medications - i'm on 300mg effexor xr right now. i'm forcing myself to go to school and seem to be having some success in that regard; but i really don't feel anything from it. i understand what you said about not making decisions while depressed - i've heard this before and one of the first things that i lost through this was my confidence in my own judgment. in some ways, i feel like i'm on auto-pilot...the real "me" skipped off somewhere a few years ago, left a "to-do" list and so i'm trying to get a few things done on that list.
thank you for responding to my post. i'm sorry for the things you've gone through, and happy to know that you actually made it through the depression. sophism - was this the rise or downfall of humanity? after all, they say that wisdom is sorrow and ignorance is bliss....
poster:DarkWind
thread:5676
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010404/msgs/5693.html