Posted by sar on April 12, 2001, at 16:11:11
In reply to Got the T-Shirt..., posted by Lisa Simpson on April 12, 2001, at 10:46:22
Hey Lisa,
I welcome questions and it feels good to know that I've got some company--no apologies needed. I was a social drinker from age 15 until this time last year...breakup with longtime boyfriend precipitated it.
AA is okay. Before I went to the first meeting I had the strongest urge to pull over and buy a 24 oz to calm myself down but I realized that would be hmmm...inappropriate? stupid? :) Anyway, all the folks there were real cool but generally middle-aged...I thought I sensed some um maybe suspicion? they had with the few college-age kids there (there were 3 of us). Like we hadn't bottomed out, fought in the trenches etc. (This was just something I sensed, it was based on nothing they said.) Everyone clapped hard when I walked up for my "desire" coin (desire to stop drinking, you carry it to look at when u feel a craving).
In spite of having this coin, I really don't want to quit permanently. I want to learn how to return to normal social drinking...I know AA's studies have shown that the chances of this are rather low, but I'm not ready to resign myself to words like forever and never.
There's a lot of pain at these meetings, a lot of honesty. Some tears. I can relate to a lot of what they say and just listening to them (i haven't given my story and I don't even know that I believe I'm an alcoholic, just a problem drinker) has helped some sense kick in.
I'm not on any medication, though I'm looking into it. You know, another reason I haven't spoken at these meetings is that I have social phobia...I have to get a little drunk to tell a good story to a crowd! When I left the first meeting everyone was saying to me "bye!" and "thanks for coming, come back!" and I really wanted to stay and mingle with the rest of them to show them I'm nice, I'm not snubbin them, but I really needed to leave because I got really hot and dizzy and I was afraid my voice would shake. A lot of strangers looking at me expecting me to talk takes my breath away.
How are you doing? Do you drink still? I would love to hear your story, and thanks again for your concern.
irie,
sar
poster:sar
thread:5538
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010404/msgs/5634.html