Posted by allisonm on February 12, 2001, at 12:34:19
In reply to Re: therapist as friend, posted by coral on February 12, 2001, at 10:58:21
> > I may be the odd one out here, but I don't want my therapist as a friend. I respect him tremendously, find him insightful, respectful, intelligent, charming, warm, generous and intensely concerned about my welfare. All of the characteristics that would be desirable in a friend. However, I selfishly guard my therapeutic time to help me get better. I love the freedom of being able to say exactly what's on my mind without ANY of the concern one would have if speaking to a friend. < <
Coral,
You're not the odd one out at all. I agree with you. I wouldn't be getting anywhere at all in therapy were I real friends with my psychiatrist. We wouldn't be able to have the conversations that we do. I too relish being able to say anything to him without having to worry that I'm saying it to a friend because we're not. Sometimes I think it bothers him more than it bothers me when I get irritated with him, or at least he acts that way.
On the other hand, he knows as much or more about me than my best friend does. And he's always nice to me. So it's a weird feeling having someone know that much and not be your friend. That's what makes me question whether his thoughtfulness, friendliness, and concerned and caring attitude are real. How could it be real? Maybe it's all a big act designed to get more information out of me. Is it just a job? How detached are they from us?
I often have wondered what kind of person my psychiatrist is outside of his office, and what his interests are. Is he the same kind of person that I see in his office? Maybe he's an arrogant, short-tempered, bossy, egotistical jerk. Or maybe he's a nervous, perfectionistic, introverted nerd.
They say patients tend to pattern themselves after their therapists. Maybe therapists pattern themselves after each patient to make them feel like they're with a likeminded person so they will talk more openly. I like poetry, for example. Is that why he reads poems to me in our sessions or does he like and find some connection in poetry too? We both love bookstores, allegedly. I have a weakness for gardening books. He says he likes them too, but does he really?
Like Willow, maybe I am overanalyzing. It's hard not to when a person has that much influence over you.
Thanks for writing. This is an interesting discussion.
poster:allisonm
thread:4509
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010209/msgs/4573.html