Posted by julesvox on January 7, 2001, at 11:17:40
In reply to Re: advice - shellie and racer, posted by ksvt on January 7, 2001, at 10:24:37
>I remember pretty vividly the point when I recognized that I was capable of visibly hurting my father with something I said. I really resented him for being so weak
ksvt--i'm thinking that this is an important stage for kids to go through, one that's painful but necessary in all families. hopefully kids can come out on the other side with new respect for parents. like you, i never got to the other side but grew up believing i was entirely responsible for my parents' feelings and both despising them and feeling completely unable to separate myself from their pain. i tried to be the model child to make them happier, my sister was the bad child to try to get love & boundaries, but neither worked.
>Share your depression, because the light is the one true enemy of depression.
amen Racer. i hate that it was not OK to talk about my mom's depression and that it became a shameful thing. i wish it had been OK to talk about how much pain she was in and how my sister & i felt about it. i know now that she was suicidal and i'm not really surprised; i think i knew (though i dont' know if it would've been appropriate to be told that as a kid).
now that i'm in treatment for clinical depression--prob. hereditary--i wish i could really talk to my parents about it. that shame is still there. so i'm doing my healing in other relationships.
i hope talking to your kids works out for you. if nothing else, i wonder if your anxiety around it is enough reason to at least really deal with that possibility w/your partner.
all best,
j.
poster:julesvox
thread:3738
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010105/msgs/3758.html