Posted by Hannah on November 16, 2000, at 13:31:46
In reply to To Hannah, posted by Todd on November 15, 2000, at 20:49:48
> Hi Hannah. I am familiar with Mark H. and his thought process. I am quite certain he wasn't attacking you, maybe just a bit frustrated that you weren't getting his point.
Hi Todd I assure you I get Mark H's point. He is not the victim of my misunderstanding :o) I just disagree with his generalizations.
If you knew me you would know I am most certainly not a chronic victim, passive aggressive, or evasive (in contradiction of Mark's posts). If Mark believed I was wasting his time I believe he should take responsibility for his own time usage. I do not think he is my victim. I don't know who the "we" in his reply refers to.
Aside from the Greg thing, which I know nothing about, what Mark was trying to suggest was that each of us plays the victim. At least some of the time, anyway. We are ALL victims. And that is why we feel so much pain.
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Of course we are all sometimes victims. If you mean by "play the victim" that it is a conscious choice or manipulation, I would disagree. This may be Mark's or your personal experience but it is not mine. Perhaps if he chose to discuss his own embrace of the victim role it would have been more useful. I think it is dangerous to generalize and then to proselytize. The message that we are all sometimes victims of things we can't control is common sense. If someone has recognized that he clings to the vicim role or seeks it out and makes an effort to change his behaviour, Good for him! And thanks for sharing! To continue and suggest that someone else is indulging in this behaviour and he has the answer to it is too big a leap!
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He was just suggesting that the more we refuse to play the victim, the further along on the road to healing we all are. What a wonderful idea!
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It's an excellent idea, though hardly an original one. In fact my original post was a refusal to play the victim by just going away and not objecting to something I found offensive. Refusing to "play" the victim and denying that abuse has taken place are different things. I think action is sometimes necessary to avoid being a victim. Did Dr Bob choose to pick up the arrow of incivility and jab it into his head when he warned alice? Was he choosing to play the victim? And when he left it festering there for a couple of days and then decided to block her was it his fault? (A little humor to make a point Dr Bob-and farewell to all if he decides to ban me too ;o)Can I interest you in a magical mystery tour?
I don't know what you are talking about :o) I am not looking for a tour guide through life, but if you want to tell me about yourself, feel free.
Peace and love right back atcha
Hannah
I've walked some thorny paths, might even have a splinter or two in my toe. Reply if you are interested.
> Peace and love.
poster:Hannah
thread:2414
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001031/msgs/2777.html