Posted by R.Anne on November 1, 2000, at 15:17:27
In reply to Re: Plans for getting through the holidays?, posted by Rainwoman on November 1, 2000, at 9:56:26
> > Dear Rainwoman,
> >
> > Oh, my . . . yes, the holidays. Blick. The Grinch is my hero. I don't know why you don't have family to visit so my story may not apply at all. Three years ago, the ugliest of the ugly family fights ensued (only verbal, but that was enough), my husband and I just left. After thoroughly analyzing the pattern, I realized that my sister's attacks (she's BPD) on me had accelerated every holiday season for the past ten years. I realized I went home to be with my folks, and it was a habit. One parent is dead and the other one has been in a nursing home for five years, yet, each year, I'd trudge home for more abuse. Well . . . duhhh... I haven't been home for a holiday since. My sister keeps insisting that the fight is the cause, and I keep telling her it's the tension in our relationship that seems unresolvable. So, since then, my husband and I decide what we want to do and it's been so very liberating - and we've done everything from "doing nothing" to the full-blown dinner for his side of the family. I have NO idea what we're going to do this year but I'm not worried, because I'm NOT going to do anything that I don't want to do.
> > If you're drawn to the volunteering, do it!!!!!!!!! One day, I was aimlessly driving around and saw a rummage sale at a mission. I went in, and there was an old piano in the corner. I began playing, very softly. Pretty soon, lots of people gathered around and for three hours, we all sang our lungs out. It was one of the most uplifting experiences of my life.
> > Coral
> >
> > PS Yes, today is a good day! Hope yours is as well, Michele.
>
> Actually, Coral, your story does kind of apply. I have a small immediate family. My father recently moved out of the area, however, he is in the area for the holidays. I don't see him. The reason being that I confronted him about the fact that i was abused by my mother for so many years, and he didn't do a damn thing about it. That made me feel so insignificant all those years, and I still do. Anyway, my brother confronted him on a couple things also. My father's attitude is that you NEVER address a parent like that, and how dare we question the way we were raised and he hasn't spoken to us since. Wait, I take that back. Last year at a gathering at my aunt's house for christmas, I walked up to him and said I was sorry that our relationship was the way it was. He said in front of everybody that that wasn't good enough and left. Not a peep since. My brother goes to his wife's families' house, and my aunt only does the big get together for Christmas. So, that leaves me alone. So, I guess it may be similar in some ways!
>
> I'm not too sure why I am so interested in volunteering. Maybe someone else knows. I think may be also that I can't make things better in my family, but that doesn't mean I can't try to make something better somewhere else. Maybe I just want to feel worthwile. I could maybe ask my therapist, but he seems to have blown town.
> Thanks for replying and it's a pretty good day for me also!
> Michele********
Hi!
Sounds like a great idea to do the volunteering. Perhaps I should look into the same thing. As the holidays I approach I was thinking about locking myself in a closet until they are over! I dread them because I, too, have no where to go this year. Family problems, too. I think I may spend a lot of time in bed-I happen to like it there! The volunteer thing sounds good, though, and I'm sure it will help you get through them.
poster:R.Anne
thread:1927
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001031/msgs/1941.html