Posted by Mark H. on October 11, 2000, at 15:05:05
In reply to Who is better, male or female therapist?, posted by TomV on October 11, 2000, at 13:35:00
Notwithstanding the title of your posting, you have identified an interesting issue that deserves an answer broader than the question you asked.
Rather than limit it to male vs female, one might ask what style is most effective for what type of personality, since both men and women can be tough and make you work or provide a softer environment to encourage self-healing.
For the most actively wounded and those lacking in firm ego boundaries, the soft, nurturing approach can be effective, at least until a stronger sense of self and greater emotional independence develops. On the other hand, some people choose this type of therapist because they have no intention of changing and simply want to feel good about themselves for an hour once a week.
For those who are ready to change (and to practice daily what they learn), the tougher therapist may offer more rapid growth and independence.
It depends a lot on your goals in therapy. If you want to clean up your relationships, learn to make and keep clear agreements, develop integrity, improve your social and work skills, then a tougher therapist may help you get there more quickly than a softer one.
There is nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself unless, of course, it is inappropriate. And hopefully, a good therapist will be able to balance nurturing with necessary toughness and not have to be one or the other.
What are your goals for therapy? Do you manipulate your therapist(s)? Are you getting your money's worth? How have you changed as a result of therapy?
I hope some of these questions and observations are useful to you.
Best wishes,
Mark H.
poster:Mark H.
thread:978
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/981.html