Posted by Rzip on October 29, 2000, at 23:43:54
In reply to Re: Is this a tribe?? and Shaman Bob?, posted by shar on October 29, 2000, at 10:04:24
> Gee, see how jaded yet naive one can be. I never think of Dr. Bob when I'm posting. I never even thought he read all the posts. But he must read some because he does pop in now and then.
I think of Dr. Bob ALL THE TIME! Ah! It is driving me crazy. You see, if one was to identify a concrete, distinctive psychotic problem with me...it would be my tendency to take real people into my internal world. In my mind, I kind of see Dr. Bob as my big brother, my friend, my commrade. I think of him a great deal (EVERY DAY).The reality is that I never met the guy. I just try to analyze him based on his website. But that is exactly how I form my intense relationships in my mind. It is safe, very safe to interact with Dr. Bob in my mind. I talk to him a great deal, every day--even through I never even heard him speak (What does his voice sound like?) In my mind, Dr. Bob is very witty and humorous. Just a delight to be with. Plus he is young and a psychiatrist! I love M.D.'s :-)
The bad thing is that when reality hits, I feel very worrisome and upset. I do not really know Dr. Bob :-( But it precisely because I do not know him that I am letting him becoming one of the personality/voices in my mind. It is just so confusing!!! Part of me, like when I am studying wants Dr.Bob and all the other personalities/voices to go away. But, then I would be left with nothing but an empty mind and feeling. I know, I know that I should make some real friends with real people. But bad things happen when I try to connect with students. I get too anxious and then I lash out at students. Then, they get terrified with me and run away.
But the real people that I have taken into my mind, I have control over them. Have them act as I please. I only take in good people, so my internal world is always very pleasant and nice to fantasize about. In my mind, Dr. Bob is very caring, like a Big brother toward me.
But for the sake of my mental health, I am willing to let the internal Dr. Bob go now. Actually, that is not true. I still want to hold on to him. But this is his website, so at least the interaction(s) is starting to occur in the real world. That's good, that's healthy (I hope). I do not know anymore. I just have to keep reminding myself that Dr. Bob is a real person, a real human being with ONE personality. Oh, I am so jealous of people with one coherent personality. Congruent is the world (Carl Rogers).
By the way, I love Carl Rogers and his Client-Centered therapy approach. I never experienced that kind of therapy, but I like the concept.
Am I getting better, or am I getting worse? I need opinions/feedbacks from you guys. I am welcome to all responses, however don't be intentionally mean, o.k. Be gentle. I can't help but think I am a sicko. But that is so negative. What I wrote is true, and that is the scary reality.
Talk to you later,
Rzip
poster:Rzip
thread:1667
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1851.html