Posted by Racer on October 21, 2000, at 20:52:49
Don't ask what brought this on, but it came to mind in reading the Reason to live post above.
This relates to depression and trying to find reasons to live, somehow. At least for me it does.
A lot of people on this board have mentioned not knowing when to trust ourselves. We talk about distorted thoughts, needing reality checks, etc. "something" sometimes rescues us from our suicidal plans.
Maybe we're just not good liars?
Most of the world can understand things like social cues that leave me (at least) clueless. Could it be that our symptoms come in part because our minds are trying to reconcile something our instincts tell us are lies? I wonder if we're more sensitive or more tuned in to body language, and have a harder time reconciling it to what we're being told is the truth?
Let's say the boss says that he really wants us to succeed with this new project. What is his body language telling us? Could the depression be because we've been told so many times that our instincts are wrong that we are afraid to trust that response telling us that this boss is setting us up to be fired? Maybe part of the problem is that we've internalized that doubt in our initial responses?
I've worked with horses now for about 30 years, and I can watch a horse, or a dog, or a kid, and sometimes an adult human, and I can tell you a fair amount about what's going on. I can watch a horse come around a corner toward a line of fences and tell you what's likely to happen. I can watch a horse come out of his/her stall and tell you what sort of a mood he/she is in. I can watch a group of horses in a field, and tell you a lot about both social standing in the group and individual temperaments within ten minutes. My own horse could probably tell you my mood before she even sees me, just by the sound of my footsteps, and I know that. I can literally think a command, and she'll carry it out -- not telepathy, but my body language changing as I think "can-ter" or "and-walk" or whatever I want her to do.
With human adults, though, I find that what my non-verbal assessment tells me is often in conflict with what my brain tries to tell me. Sometimes, I feel 'illiterate', and can't figure out why I'm so uncomfortable. Later, I'll realize that I was getting signals that I wasn't paying attention to. The body language I wasn't clued into conciously enough was telling me something I really needed to know.
Could that be a part of our dis-ease? (Note to Greg: I like that, because it is a 'dis' 'ease' that we're experiencing, isn't it?) Maybe relief comes from being able to integrate our non-verbal clues into our conciousness?
For women, especially, it is very dangerous not to pay attention to the non-verbal clues. I've been attacked several times when I have told myself that I'm being 'ridiculous' by feeling creeped out by someone. For men, the danger is usually not as immediate, though it can be.
Any responses?
poster:Racer
thread:1421
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1421.html