Posted by shellie on October 2, 2000, at 21:16:32
In reply to Re: How to resume normal life?, posted by jzp on October 2, 2000, at 2:53:15
> Wow, thank you all for the supportive responses.
>
> I think that a lot of my anxiety over "what do I tell people?" has a lot more to do with my own issues than with people. That is to say, I keep thinking what I could have done with the past two years if I hadn't been sick. I keep comparing my "before" self to my current self, and it's a real bummer. I know it isn't realistic or even possible, but I wish I could just erase everything that happened in the past two years and pick up where I left off. So everyone's advice to try to go easy on myself is right on. It's totally irrational, but I still blame myself. I mean, it's a fact that I have Bipolar II, that I need to always take medicine, that it isn't going to go away completely, and that it isn't something I chose, but somehow I can't get that to ring true emotionally.
>
> It seems like the recovery process is often ignored. I know that I want it to be as simple as taking a pill and having all my problems solved, but I know that it isn't. I think if people realized this, there wouldn't be so much popular mistrust of psychiatric medications.
>
> Thanks again for all your insights.
>
> -JannetteJannette, I had another thought when I read your last response. It's been pointed out several times to me, by different therapists, that I've never really grieved over what I have lost in childhood--due to abuse, and in my adult years, as a consequence of that abuse. And that was necessary for me to move on -- to grow up. This a a major focus of mine in therapy, and it has been really difficult for me to feel the sadness and nearly impossible for me to feel the anger until recently.
When I read your response, I thought right away, maybe you need to grieve for those two years that you lost to depression. Two years may seem to be a very small percentage of a whole life, but that is from my view, not yours. Grieving involves letting yourself feel really sad and really angry about losing something. Perhaps if you allow yourself those feelings, it may help you clear through the feelings that get stuck on self blame. It IS very sad to lose two years, and along with creating your new life, maybe you need to continue to process the feelings about that. If not to make sense of them, at least to continue to acknowlege them as a loss to you.
Just another thought. Shellie
poster:shellie
thread:753
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20000813/msgs/786.html