Posted by Racer on September 30, 2000, at 22:13:30
In reply to How to resume normal life?, posted by jzp on September 30, 2000, at 15:38:32
Hm, what to say? I know that I'm in a similar position, as far as credit and messes to clean up go, but I don't have a job yet, so you're one up on me!
I've done this before, with long depressions, so I know it's possible to recover. The first rule is to break it down so that no chunk is overwhelming. At least, that's my first rule. I'll make a little list of creditors, and either call or write and say that I'll be paying them off as I can. Then I work out what is left over after all the regular bills are paid, rent, telephone, electric, etc. Out of what's left, I'll take put some in savings, put a little towards a toy for me (books, cds, something to help me feel like less of a screwed up slave to my depression), and the rest toward the creditors. Since they usually contact me to say that I'm not sending enough, that they want more, I just tell them part of the truth: I have outstanding bills from a bunch of places, that after paying rent I have this many dollars left, and I'm splitting them between the creditors. I tell them outright that they're my first tier of creditors to be paid, and that I'm paying them as fast as I can. Then I go on and tell them that their choice is to be paid as fast as I can, or to write it off as bad debt. If they're still calling me, I speak to a manager, explain the whole thing again, and just move up the ladder until someone says OK.
That's a heck of a thing to have to face when you've been so depressed, but eventually, if you remind yourself that you really are paying off as fast as you can and that they can't get blood from a stone, you'll get through the outstanding bills and begin to build up credit again.
As for people you know, it depends on who they are and how strong you feel. If you tell people that you were depressed, you will find a lot of people saying things like, "I was depressed for a while, but I did [x] and it went away..." Or you'll find someone who says, "Just pull yourself out of it. You must be lazy and selfish to let depression effect you." (My mother is one of those!) I either explain to them that they're idiots and don't know what depression is, or I avoid the subject by glossing over it. "Gee, I had a chance to do some other things, just, you know, this and that, that I wanted to do. Nothing that's gonna help my career, but I got it out of my system." Or, another favorite, "I was sick for almost two years." If they ask, I just say, "It was a painful, frightening experience, and I just want to forget it happened." If they STILL ask, I tell them that they're getting too personal, and need to respect my limits.
It's hard, but the good part is that a drug is helping now and the depression is gone for now. It will get easier, and if you stay where you are, eventually people will get used to seeing you, and stop asking!
Good luck to you, and may your depression be gone for good!
poster:Racer
thread:753
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20000813/msgs/757.html