Posted by karen_kay on September 4, 2007, at 12:59:10
In reply to Re: relationship going down hill » hoolahoop, posted by ClearSkies on September 4, 2007, at 8:50:39
mister kk and i are having some problems recently and i feel i don't have any advice to give :) crap, i'm posting all over the place askign for help! luckily, things are getting better between us, thanks to some 'sitting down and talking' (and also realizing stress will do things to relationships)
sorry, now back to you...
getting outside help is a GREAT idea! someone outside the relationship is often able to evaluate a whole lot more thna people emotionally involved. that's a great idea, and bound to help in many ways! again, great job!!!
you may want to point out that you are feeling abused. i realize that he may well be going through some things (ie meds, depression, ect) but, it doesn't give him the right to abuse you. and in my relationship name calling is somethign that is off limits (as much as i love it. i swear, that's the first thing i try to do, but have learned to bite my lip!).
have you tried explaining to him how you feel when he does these things? that you are feelign abused, embarassed and hurt?
and was this somethign that occured before he started his medication? whiel his meds may be causign him some grief, it's still not fair to take it out on you dear. (again, mister kk and i were discussing how we treat those we love worse than strangers. it doesn't seem fair, does it? i guess it comes with being comfortable with them, and being able to show all of our 'sides' with our partners.)
hopefully, you'll be able to discuss all of these thigns with your fiancee and the counsellor. and maybe he needs to try a different medication, if he's not getting the desired results? (i'm not a doctor!!!!)
but, i've always found that when i'm treatign mister kk the worst, it's because we need to talk about things that are on our minds. maybe he's hurting and taking it out on you? not that you deserve ti by any means dear. (oh, also, are you guys stressed out right now? financially, is the weddign coming up soon? parents giving you grief? kids (if you have any?) acting up? stress can be a major factor as well..
the counsellor should be able to help you and that's a great step you're taking dear. just remember though, if the counsellor isn't able to help you and talking isn't helping and meds aren't helping and talking isn't helping.... you don't deserve to feel abused dear. under any circumstances! talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. maybe that'll make a difference!
kk, who always gives the worst advice ever!
write back please!
poster:karen_kay
thread:780340
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20070210/msgs/780782.html