Posted by llrrrpp on September 16, 2006, at 8:13:58
In reply to age in relationships, posted by wishingstar on September 11, 2006, at 22:36:04
Hi Wishingstar,
Well, love knows no bounds. Aren't you going through a lot right now? Maybe you can just take it easy and see what happens.It's possible to love, but not to be able to have a long term successful partnership.
Are you asking about love or about partnership? I think that they are somewhat distinct. In a marriage, you need both, but plenty of relationships will never develop into marriage, nor should they! And plenty of people will never want to be married, which is perfectly understandable and even "normal" in my opinion.
Personally, I have fallen in love before with people whom I could never be good partners with. It's a disaster, because your heart is telling you one thing, and the rest of your life is falling apart even as your love surges forward! This is not very healthy (at least for me!). Although you and this man may have changed a lot since you were together before, there were also reasons why things never went further. What kind of reasons were they? What kind of conflicts did you have? Are they the kind of conflicts that time heals (things like having to pay student loans and being broke- which we hopefully can grow out of?) or did the conflicts stem from something more fundamental to your/his character? Things like having a violent temper, not being able to trust, wanting to give/take too much control... Those things may not be so easy to modify.
Even if you've grown as a person, being with him again may bring you back to a pattern that you established in your past. Do you mind repeating the past? Often the best predictor of what a person will do in the future is what they have done in past circumstances that were similar.
best wishes to you Wishingstar! Hope this wasn't too glum :(
-ll
poster:llrrrpp
thread:685164
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060621/msgs/686491.html