Posted by llrrrpp on June 6, 2006, at 18:45:34
In reply to people can be so cold..please someone advise?:), posted by alesta on June 6, 2006, at 15:45:06
It's probably unproductive to confront the woman.
Ideally, we are confident in ourselves as women, and our relationships with our men that we don't feel jealousy. Jealousy comes from a hurting place. I know you've been hurt. I barely know you, but it sounds like you've been hurt a lot. The hurt is not your fault. so, it's not your fault that you can't live up to the ideal confidence that renders us immune to jealousy
What you *can* do is figure out where the hurt comes from, and try to learn to heal it, or at least protect it from the elements while it's healing. Can you talk to your guy about your hurt? Will he support you? Because if your guy takes your hurt seriously, it will help you a lot. In the meanwhile. Pity this woman. Pity the woman that is so insecure and so inconsiderate that she throws her love around so casually.
If she really has a crush on your guy, and he doesn't respond to her, then she will lose interest. If she doesn't know that your guy is with you, HE should be the one to say something to her. Do you trust him to say this?
Also, this uncomfortable triangle really serves to pull your focus away from the connection that you have with your guy. I'm going to assume that you're not being paranoid and thinking that she's flirting with him when she's really just being friendly. Things may go wrong in any relationship. Are you using her as a scapegoat, instead of putting in real work to strengthen the connection between you and him?
If things escalate, you should break it up with the guy. Tell him that he doesn't deserve your love, because he wasn't true to you. And that's REAL, alesta, because you deserve someone who can look at a girl flirting with him and ignore her, brush her off, and feel honest enough with you to tell you about when it happens.
I'm really sorry if these are harsh words. I am only trying to help. I haven't been in your situation, as I'm not really one for jealousy and I'm also not one to go throwing my affections and flirtations around casually. I did get into trouble once when someone thought I was over-friendly. The guy told me, and I was extra careful to watch myself. Why? because I was friends with him, and I wanted him to be in a satisfying relationship.
yours,
-llrrrpp
poster:llrrrpp
thread:653700
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060511/msgs/653778.html