Posted by llrrrpp on May 30, 2006, at 8:19:35
In reply to Re: Don't y'all think it's weird... » madeline, posted by verne on May 30, 2006, at 7:08:59
When I read someone's words online, I feel a certain empathy/sympathy, in the sense that the emotions that they write about are experienced by me, at some level. I think that this is very powerful, and maybe doesn't occur often in real life. When people talk to us face to face, are we really listening? Do we really have the sole goal to sit down and UNDERSTAND where someone is coming from (unless you're a therapist in real life). Often when we have face-to-face conversations, we are more concerned with making ourselves understood, and how we are coming across. then we are momentarily distracted from what our partner is saying, and the bond of empathy/sympathy is broken. Tiny, little breaks, but these are important. I think this is why the written word seem more intimate.
We also experience a lot of dissonance in real life, between what people are revealing to us, and what we really know about them. If someone were to tell me something deep and profound, but I know that he has very poor judgment, and has a very messed up life, I would discount his wisdom. Online, the words are pure, because we don't have to live with their consequences. This also leads to little breaks in the empathy/sympathy. For instance, when my partner says something kind to me, I am able to think of a counterexample when he said/did something unkind. This is not so easy with online relationships.
Having said that, I think that real-life chemistry is very important. Physical attraction is not something that is easily faked, although it can be practiced. But online, you don't have the luxury of learning to appreciate the chemistry you have with another person. There is something essential in the relationship that the body experiences, and the body tells you when the feelings are real. I don't think this should be taken lightly.
poster:llrrrpp
thread:650037
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060511/msgs/650366.html