Posted by Susan47 on March 12, 2006, at 10:26:06
In reply to I think we are falling apart, posted by sibemom on March 11, 2006, at 19:41:31
> I truely feel as if my marriage is falling apart. What started out to be or at least I thought a wonderful loving relationship has turned COLD I MEAN BURRRRRR cold. My husband has some health concerns and we went through a horriable time but seemed to get past it, but now it is my turn to be the patient so to speak since I was hit by a drunk driver, and I just do not think he feels any compasion for me what so ever. I know everyone expresses their concerns differently and I am not looking for any pity from him, but he seems like he blames ME for what happened. He will not sit and talk with me about it, he won't read any of the literature I brought home from the therapist, he REFUSES to assist me with things around the house and instead runs out to his friends and helps him all day. I have to call in family members to help with the care of our 5 year old and with household responsabilities. I feel as if I have no emotion towards him at all anymore because he just acts as if he is a border here and not a husband. He keeps asking me WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITHOUT YOU WORKING, well I know that is a major problem but I would much rather hear support coming from him and not burdening me with the guilt of losing my job due to my accident. I just do not know what to do. My therapist says he should be coming in for family sessions and he refuses. I am trying so hard to keep it together because the drug therapy is tough on me, but still I try very hard because even if we loose us, which it sounds like we kind of are I STILL NEED TO HAVE ME. I wish he could just stand in my shoes for a second and see how hard it is to deal with the injuries I have been left with. I just don't know.
I don't know either. I could guess though that he's ruled by fear, I could guess that the fear is creeping out and infecting not just his life, but yours as well, and you're rightfully beginning to fight it off. I could guess that the lack of emotion you feel is you properly saving yourself, refusing to be caught up in his fearful acting-out behaviour. I could guess that you are a much braver person than he is. I could guess that your inner wisdom is allowing you to feel a separation from him which, right now, is necessary for you to continue. I could guess so many things, most of which would only be touching the surface, and many would be incorrect. But don't beat yourself up, he's already doing a good job of trying to make you responsible for his problems, and feeling guilty about being hurt .. WHAT is that all about .. this is your time to be supported ... find as much support and good things as you need .. we're here, too. I hope I haven't gone overboard ...
poster:Susan47
thread:619065
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060220/msgs/619310.html