Posted by Larry Hoover on February 28, 2006, at 8:35:51
In reply to I just don't know anything about anything?(long), posted by wanttobhappy on February 28, 2006, at 1:02:02
> Well, my husband recently found my perscription for anti-depressant (I did'nt tell him I was back on them) He asked me how much they were (for the bill payments) and that was it. It has been weeks since then and not one word has he said on that subject. Does he not care? We have been through the whole depression thing before and did'nt talk about it then either. One of my biggest questions is how can he even begin to understand or even tolerate some of the fears and moods that come along with deppression without asking questions? Why does'nt he want to talk to me? We have always had communication issues but we can usually get our points across when they are important. I guess I could be to blame as I withheld the fact as long as I could. Last time I went on meds and I told my husband he never said a word. Not a "oh I did'nt know it was that bad" or "what are you on and what does it do" or "Do you want to see a therapist or pdoc" nothing absolutely nothing. He may have said oh, and to hear the lack of interest, concern, anger, fear, curiosity or total lack of emotion whatt so ever really hurt!! and I did'nt want to see or hear that again. I have been holding this in for so long I finally had to write it down just to get it off of my chest. I know it's long and rambling. Sorry
>
> LauraIs it fair to say that you would like your husband to be more connected, and involved with your struggle with depression?
There is only one person on this planet over whom you have control. Yourself. If you want to change any person on the planet, which one do you think your efforts would best be directed towards?
I've heard it said that one measure of insanity is to continue doing what you always did, but expecting different results.
I suspect that your "holding it in" is part of the lack of communication, and that because you "withheld the fact" he might feel totally deceived or might think you feel ashamed and don't want to talk about it. I don't think you've given him a fair opportunity to break the silence.
Maybe you need some counselling, on your own, to learn how to talk about it. And, even if you do learn to talk about your struggles with mood, you as a couple may benefit from counselling.
I fear you may be making a mountain out of a molehill, and it's not good for your marriage to have these repeated incidents.
What do you think about opening up, and owning your struggle? Maybe you can share the effort?
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:614124
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060220/msgs/614199.html