Posted by allisonross on November 4, 2005, at 13:06:00
In reply to He Said, She Said, posted by AdaGrace on October 31, 2005, at 6:52:17
>Dearest AdaGrace: I am new here, and love what you write!
After a lovely (sarcastic tone dripping from my mouth) day of shopping and eating out with the family, I announced that I was going to take a day off this week and go shopping for our daughter's birthday coming up.
>
> My husband said, "Take a day off? A day off from what?"Rude, insensitive.
>
> In case I need to clarify, I am not working anymore., I lost my job over a month ago due to my place of employment going out of business.That must have been a shock.
Even though I realize that I have a financial burden to bear, I am receiving unemployment. This covers most of the same bills I was paying before, there just isn't any extra. I had already decided that I was going to take a few months off before I went back to work. I've worked very hard all my life, often 50+ hours a week for 20 years, and tried to raise three kids and keep a home clean and kept up. Even though I am not working, I have been busy every day since this happened. There have been many maintenance jobs that my husband could have done, but didn't, that I have done.
No excuse for that.
I have deep cleaned almost every room in the house. Etc. Etc. During this time I have also been helping renovate my Dad's rental house, including painting the outside. Now, yes, there have been maybe 3 or 4 days in which I did not do anything. Did not go out of the house, did not do any cleaning, did not cook. Just layed around and cried.
you poor sweetie.
But I think my average of 4 days out of 6 weeks is pretty good.
We aren't been to work like slaves/dogs. Even God took a day off! If we don't rest and take care of ourselves, we sure can't be good for anyone else.
>
> Was that a fair thing for my husband to say?No, it was nasty.
Or am I just crazy as usual like he said,
Calling you crazy is verbal abuse and disrespect!
and took it the wrong way?
That's what verbal abusers do: verbally attack you, then accuse you (the victim of the abuse) of "taking it the wrong way, or being "too sensitive"
I urge you to RUN, do not walk, and get the book that took me 25 years to find: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by patricia Evans
It saved my mind and life. I consider it to be 2nd, only in importance, to the Bible. A Ph.D. called it "the cornerstone of civilization." I agree totally.
I was married for 31 years to a verbal abuser. It is LITERAL brainwashing. Finally got the divorce, then experienced a kind of abuse I had never heard of: Spiritual Abuse; voted out of a 31-year church membership, with my name up on a big screen:
Followed by the words: CONDUCT UNBECOMING A CHILD OF GOD.
i counsel abused women (have been for 10 years, because of my lifetime (41 years in all) of abuse...as a child, first
You can read my story. i was published by an on-line psychiatric (amazed me) journal.
www.psychiatricjournal.com, entitled: The Transcendent Child on Overcoming Verbal and Spiritual Abuse
www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com was the result of the church debacle. It has been a phenomenon.
Over 150 (faith-based) poems of anguish, healing, comfort and hope came pouring from my wounded soul.
Feel free to e-mail me: wacalice@aol.com
How can I help?
You can get that book at the library. Just make sure the husband doesn't see you reading it. he will attack you an disparage what you are reading. You can also go into Patricia Evans' website, or type in verbal abuse, or patriciaevans, etc...and get a lot of information.
The majority of women (I was one) don't even realize they are being verbally abused. Took me 25 years to find out . hugs and love, Ally
poster:allisonross
thread:573675
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051031/msgs/575374.html