Posted by Tamar on October 23, 2005, at 14:50:41
In reply to My friend is quiet but I wonder if she's pulling, posted by Angela2 on October 22, 2005, at 22:06:43
That sounds complicated. On the one hand, she’s still doing things with you and coming over to your house and inviting you over to hers, so it doesn’t sound like she’s pulling away. On the other hand, she seems to be sharing less, so perhaps she’s uncomfortable talking about certain things at the moment.
A lot of people are quite different online, and if she has social anxiety I can imagine that she might find it easier to be more open online. So I don’t think you need to worry about that.
And perhaps she saw the movie alone. Or maybe she saw it with someone and doesn’t want to talk about who. I think the difficulty with asking her is that you really want to know the answer. If you didn’t care that much, you could probably ask her very casually and she might tell you. But if you *really* want to know it will probably be impossible to ask casually and she might feel suspicious.
I can understand that you might worry about losing your friend, but you might be worrying prematurely. And there might be stuff going on in her life that she’s not ready to share yet. I could speculate wildly (she might have started seeing a married man, or a woman, or someone who for other reasons she’s afraid you might disapprove of…). But wild speculation is probably ultimately unhelpful.
The best thing I can think of is to ask her if she’s OK and say she seems to be not quite herself recently. And say that if something’s wrong or if she’s worried about something you’re there for her. She might say there’s nothing… and then there’s nothing you can do except be patient and hope things get better again.
I hope you work things out with her.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:570701
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051002/msgs/570991.html