Posted by 10derHeart on September 24, 2005, at 12:52:49
In reply to mixed dating?, posted by ButterflyHigh on September 24, 2005, at 1:58:18
I was in a relationship like that for 2.5 years. This was about 10 years ago, in California. Overall, we had few problems, but that may be the exception, not the rule. People were far more appalled that he was 10 years younger than me than they were about the racial issue (or so they said, anyway)
I think....there are so many factors involved that can influence how hard it will be. You'd think and hope that people don't care, but the reality is, oh yes, many do. It can depend on....where you live in the country, the ages of the people involved, do family and friends support you, or will they will be the very ones that will not or cannot accept it, etc. I guess I'm saying each couple's situation will probably be different.
Some people clearly believe that it is inherently wrong. After I'd been dating this guy for about a year, I recieved a nasty, anonymous letter at my front door. The writer said she was a black woman who was outraged that I has taken one of "her" men out of circulation, and that she felt that since (in her opinion) there were so few, decent black men available, white women should leave them alone and find "one of your own kind," (her exact words). My boyfriend was livid, and wanted to canvass the neighborhood to figure out who had written it. Eventually, we talked a lot, I calmed him down, and we let the subject die. Funny how he was much madder than I was, but I think he felt, from what she'd written, as if the woman was rendering him powerless and unimportant. After all, he had pursued me, and no one was *making* him date me!
His parents weren't crazy about it, I could just tell. But they were very gracious and kind to me.
Also, the experience was eye-opening as far as what actually goes on because of the prejeudice of some in the world. Several times in restaurants, I was stunned, watching him being ignored as the server would address only me. Really - servers occasionally just turned their bodies away from him each time they'd check on our table, even once when he had asked for something for himself! That time, I just had to pointedly say, "Um, how about if you turn around and ask him - it's his order!"He shrugged this off and had to calm me down. Said this is how it's been all his life, and he felt is was less because we were a mixed couple, but because he was black - period. And this, in California. I shudder to think how much worse this stuff might have been in other areas of the country. It humbled me in realizing how very easy I have it being a white person. It wasn't that I was naive, thinking there was no bigotry going on - not at all. It was just that being with him and actually living it, was far differnt than theorectically knowing it happens. Very sad and frustrating.
Hope this give a bit of insight. Bottom line is - one has to be prepared, committed and strong to withstand what might come along with such a relationship.
poster:10derHeart
thread:558835
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050814/msgs/558951.html