Posted by Tamar on September 27, 2005, at 7:38:33
In reply to not looking good..., posted by ButterflyHigh on September 26, 2005, at 23:13:21
> Saw and talked to t about this today, she didn't like the fact he was 20 years older than me. "Physically - he could be your dad" she said. YIKES!
> He's calling an aweful lot, not sure how to set boundaries, nor if I want to...it takes two, and I may be whining to him too much lately - haven't felt well at all for weeks.
> T says "if you have to be a broken record - so be it, until he slows down!
>
> help :(Hmmm… Age differences can be pretty significant too. I’ve had a few older partners; one of my partners was 30 years older than me (he was older than my father!) and there were times when it wasn’t easy.
I think the thing that makes the biggest impact is cultural difference. If you’re a white American and your partner is a black American from the same social class as you, then you probably won’t experience enormous cultural differences. If your partner is a black American from a different social class (whether higher or lower) then you might experience significant cultural differences. But if your partner grew up in Africa (for example) then there’s a chance he sees the world in a fundamentally different way from you. That’s not necessarily a huge problem, but it might entail significant adjustments for both of you.
It’s a very individual thing. However, even if he seems younger and you seem more mature, you’re still to some extent products of your environment, and you’d need to find ways to navigate through that… you might have different ideas about appropriate behaviour or sexual practice or the dynamics of the relationship.
From what you said, the thing that concerns me isn’t his race or his age but the fact that he’s calling you more often than you think is appropriate. If you feel he’s being too pushy, then it’s important that you find a way either to compromise (if you can) or to set firm boundaries (which might work better).
So here’s a question: is it true love, or is it simply an intense physical attraction? Or something in-between? Or too soon to know?
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:558835
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050814/msgs/560129.html