Posted by Joslynn on September 1, 2005, at 16:27:10
You know, when I was single, I used to feel worried about not finding a nice guy. (I found other guys who weren't quite right for me, or just had these pseudo relationships or was just isolated for dating for years and years at a stretch.)
Now I have met a truly nice guy who loves me and I love him. He didn't run screaming when I told him that in the past, I have had issues with depression and anxiety, but I am in treatment for it.
Well, I used to think, when I get into a relationship, then I bet my insecurities and anxieties will just kind of dissipate.
HA HA HA HA HA!
I still have my anxieties and insecurities and fear of abandonment, yet now, I know what it's like to really love someone, so I know what I would lose if I lose it.
And yet part of me wants to run away from someone really great. All because of fear, fear of loss, fear of...what? The future with him, the future without him.
Oh, by the way, I haven't been to therapy in a month, can you tell?
But anyway, being in a good relationhship, while wonderful in so many ways (and God knows I love N, I truly do)....welll....it's not really the paradise cure-all. I STILL have my issues. And now, with taking emotional risks, there is more to be anxious about. With love comes more to lose.
This is rather ironic, discovering this.
One day at a time, one day at a time.
poster:Joslynn
thread:549708
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050814/msgs/549708.html