Posted by Tamar on August 10, 2005, at 17:10:09
In reply to Re: Fall in love with yourself first! » Tamar, posted by kid47 on August 9, 2005, at 16:46:36
> I guess for me, and I hope this doesn't sound condescending, when I say I played in a band, I mean I was a dedicated, hard working, on the road sometimes 48 weeks out of a year, trying to make a living at it, professional musician. It is a MAJOR part of who I am!
That sounds like a lot of fun. I suppose there are many boring hours spent travelling, and stuff like that (or so I’ve been told) but the thrill of performing… I played in bands at school and sang in choirs a few years ago and I loved it. I was never good enough to be professional, but I really admire people who are.
> > > *why*, I must say again, is it I have not been able to find someone that I can trust with my heart?
> >
> > Hmmm… I can think of some possible answers:
> > 1. You miss your wife
> > 2. You’re looking for someone to replace your wife
> > 3. You’re afraid of being hurt again
>
> Ok..Ok...I am truly an idiot. My communication skills are even worse than I thought. First of all thank you for your response. All your posts that I've read, are supportive and insightful. Once again my lame attempt at sarcasm has completely missed the mark!! or you picked up on it, but just in case you might be wrong, you were kind and supportive...either way I appreciate it and I really need to be less cryptic when expressing myself.Your communication skills are fine! I recognized the sarcasm. Your post was really witty and I laughed when I read it! But I think I responded the way I did because it seemed to be deeper than just sarcasm.
> I have been known to say "I have had enough meaningless sex with enough meaningless women (that sounds kinda harsh doesnt it) I don't necessarily need a new friend (although friends are great) I want to find the love of my life ( for real) I can't seem to find the instruction set on how to go about doing that. (sorry, occupational hazard)
Ah, I see. I think I had a copy of the instructions, but I haven’t seen them for years (I think they’ve fallen down behind the bookcase). However, I vaguely recall they said something about love being blind. We can do all the ‘right’ things, like seek out a partner who comes from a similar background, ensure we choose someone who has similar values, make sure we have compatible approaches to conflict, to money, and to bringing up kids. But no one seems to approach love in such a calculated way. It seems unromantic and dull. However, to find the love of your life you might have to take that stuff into account.
> > Do you want to see my twelve-step guide to flirting?<
>
> Yes please!!!!OK then:
Tamar’s Twelve-Step Guide to Flirting
1. Make eye contact for a fraction longer than you normally would in normal social interaction. Then look away.
2. After minute or so, make eye contact again. Smile.
3. After another minute, try to make eye contact again. If you make eye contact a third time, approach the person and start a conversation.
4. Don’t use a pick-up line. Ask a general question; nothing too personal (“Nice party, isn’t it?” “Hot in here, isn’t it?” … something like that). Avoid the likes of: “Do you have any pets?” or “How do you know Bob?”
5. Let the conversation develop naturally. Don’t be too keen to impress or flirt. Just talk to the other person as if s/he’s a regular human being.
6. If the conversation goes well, touch the person’s arm.
7. If you get a positive or neutral response to the first arm touch, wait a little while and try a second arm touch.
8. If you get a positive response to the second arm touch, wait a few minutes and then try a very brief hand touch.
9. Wait to see if the other person touches you, or at least indicates they want to keep talking to you.
10. Try either a second hand touch or a shoulder touch. Don’t get more intimate than that, even if the other person touches you.
11. Give one compliment at some point. It doesn’t have to be too personal. “That’s a nice dress / tie” will do just fine.
12. Ask for a date (if you want one). Nothing too exotic. Keep it casual: “Would you like to meet for a drink next week?”
See? Easy!
poster:Tamar
thread:539151
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050724/msgs/540011.html